


Artistry and Affection

by OnceUponAnApocalypse



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Eren is a total fanboy, Eruri just for a little while in case anybody doesnt like that pairing, Eventual Smut, From friends to lovers, Levi is a manipulative little shit, M/M, Minor Levi/Erwin Smith, Slow Build, These tags make me embarrassed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-02-18 04:09:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2334764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceUponAnApocalypse/pseuds/OnceUponAnApocalypse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger, once tormented by an abusive father, took pride in the mundane, low-key life he found himself faced with ever since moving into his own apartment with his sister.  While his new job at Café Maria was supposed to add another semblance of normalcy to his life, meeting a mysterious artist with silver eyes-who happens to be a regular at the café-turns his whole world upside down.  Eren's life quickly turns into a roller coaster of emotion and adventure he hadn't expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, readers, and welcome to my treasured coffee shop AU fanfiction! I'll hopefully update this weekly but it might be every other week, depending on how busy school gets in the next little while. Please don't hesitate to leave comments~ Any and all feedback is welcome!

Eren’s life had been nothing other than ordinary, to say the least. He may not have what most would consider an ideal home life but he couldn’t complain much. He only had two really good friends to speak of but who needed an abundance of friends anyway. And while he may not have the most promising future ahead of him, he did have some semblance of one. Standing outside the door of his apartment, he huffed a deep breath to prepare himself for the verbal assault he would likely receive once he stepped inside. Balancing a bag of groceries precariously under one arm while clutching a computer bag in the hand attached to said arm, he reached out with his free hand and twisted the door knob.

To his surprise, the door propelled itself inward, revealing the lurking form of his sister, Mikasa. She looked upon him with a blank face, though her silver eyes danced with curiosity. “So?” she asked, in favour of a greeting.

Eren rolled his emerald eyes and nudged her out of the way as he moved into his apartment. “Nice to see you, too, oh darling sister of mine,” he replied bleakly. After making his way into their tiny yet surprisingly modern kitchen, he dropped his computer bag into one of the bar stools at the island and then set the paper grocery bag on a counter top. Before he could even think of answering all of Mikasa’s burning questions, he wanted to at least complete the mundane task of putting away the groceries. He could feel his sister’s gaze on his back as he ghosted around the kitchen, tucking away items here and there, yet she stayed silent, knowing he wouldn’t listen to her until he was ready. Eren could practically feel her impatience rolling off of her in waves.

Heaving a sigh, Eren put away the last of the groceries before turning to his sister. He leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms over his chest. The simple quirk of one eyebrow at Mikasa indicated she could proceed with her questioning.

“What happened? How did the interview go? Did you get the job? Is it a nice establishment?”

“Woah, Mikasa, one question at a time,” Eren murmured, a grimace on his face.

She didn’t reiterate, simply stood in the doorway of the kitchen and continue to stare at him, awaiting all the answers to satiate her burning curiosity.

Eren let out another sigh, softer this time, filled with fondness for his protective sister. He knew her fussing over his job interview was her way of showing concern. He could tell she dreaded bad news while hoping for the best. As Mimosa viewed him as someone delicate, she constantly ensured he was comfortable and safe and happy. Eren wondered if she ever took a moment to look after herself.

After a moment, Erin replied, “It’s a coffee shop, what’s not nice about coffee shops? The interview went great. I actually was given the job on the spot.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened a fraction, the only sign she acknowledged Eren’s words, as the rest of her face stayed impassive. She rushed toward her brother and looped her arms around him, giving him a warm hug. “That’s great, Eren,” she murmured in his ear. He returned her hug for a brief moment before gently shifting out of her hold. “When do you start?”

Eren chewed on the flesh of his thumb, a nervous habit he had had since childhood and hadn’t been able to shake. “Tomorrow, actually,” he mumbled around the hand in his mouth.

“They must be desperate for help,” Mikasa said, without a second thought, yanking his hand away from his lips in the process.

“Jee, thanks, Mikasa, that statement makes me feel great,” he deadpanned, gaze heavy-lidded as he glared at his sister.

As expected, she didn’t apologize, nor did she comment further. She simply tugged gently on the red scarf resting around her neck before bee lining out of the kitchen to the living room. Eren watched her plunk down on the sofa and idly flip through channels before he shuffled off to his bedroom. He belly-flopped unceremoniously onto his bed, one hand finding purchase under his pillow while the other dug in his back pocket for his phone.

1 New Message: Armin Arlert  
 _From: Armin Arlert_  
 _Please tell me you got the job! They’d be crazy to turn you away!_

Eren grinned into his pillow, his friend’s kind words soothing some of the anxiety he had, said anxiety caused by having a new job. While Eren found himself confident in most things he did, this was his first job ever and he was hoping he didn’t botch it on the first day. He and Mikasa desperately needed the money—it was just the two of them living in the apartment, and while Mikasa made a good amount of money as a call centre rep at some fancy conservation company, it just barely let them get by. They had rent to fork out each month, bills to pay, food to buy, and Eren’s college courses to pay for. If that didn’t bleed them dry already, Mikasa’s tendency to splurge on clothing she found “cute” definitely did. She didn’t even buy clothes for herself—most of the time, she indulged in outfits she purchased solely for Eren since she deemed him unable to adequately clothe himself.

_To: Armin Arlert_  
 _Thx man, got the job! Start tmrw_

Flipping onto his back, Eren stared up at his ceiling as he waited for Armin’s response. Above his bed was a giant mural of the ocean he had enlarged and printed, for more than it was worth, yet looking upon the different colours of the water and how it glistened under a bright sun always made him smile. He and Armin had once vowed to see the ocean together—they had been young when they made the promise yet it still stood to this day, despite the fact that they were both practically adults.

His phone buzzed against his stomach, jolting him out of his thoughts. With a flick of his wrist he unlocked the screen to look at the message.

_From: Armin Arlert_  
 _That’s great news! You’ll probably see me there a lot . . . The barista there is totally hot!_

Eren’s nose wrinkled in distaste at that. Applying at the coffee shop, named Café Maria, had been Armin’s idea in the first place. Eren knew his best friend visited the small shop every day before class yet he hadn’t been aware a hot barista had been the reason for such visits.

_To: Armin Arlert_  
 _U mean the new barista? Yea, I heard hes pretty bangin_

Eren chuckled at his own message.

_From: Armin Arlert_  
 _Yeah, don’t flatter yourself. I’m talking about that Jean guy._

_To: Armin Arlert_  
 _HORSE FACE?! For real, Armin? Fuckin gross!!!_

_From: Armin Arlert_  
 _Ah, so you’ve met him? He doesn’t have a horse face. He’s quite good-looking, I’ll have you know. You should introduce us some time._

Eren frowned at that. He had only met Jean briefly before his interview and he already didn’t like the guy. He was loud and obnoxious and had the hots for his sister which bothered Eren to no end. He supposed maybe the reason he disliked Jean so much in the first place was because Eren, too, was loud and obnoxious, but he refused to think poorly of himself too much. Self-deprecation, in Eren’s opinion, was more trouble than it was worth. It hadn’t done him any favours in the past.

_To: Armin Arlert_  
 _Sure myb we’ll see. I guess I’ll see u at the café tmrw then_

With the reminder of his first day on the job being tomorrow, Eren found his thumb back in his mouth, his teeth worrying the skin a bit too harshly. While he didn’t taste any blood in his mouth, he did feel himself breaking skin. His phone buzzing again distracted his nibbling.

_From: Armin Arlert_  
 _You bet! Gonna go watch TV with Gramps now, see you, Eren!_

Eren typed out a quick good-bye before he dropped his phone onto his bedside table. With a groan, he turned onto his stomach again and shoved his face into the warm confines of his pillow. Despite it only being a little after 7 PM, Eren felt exhausted. While the morning had been spent doing little more than playing video games while in his boxers, the afternoon had consisted of his interview. After hearing the confirmation he was expected to work the next day, his anxiety had gotten the best of him and he had run errands the rest of the afternoon, if only to regain a sense of normalcy. Plus, it saved Mikasa a trip to the grocery store as he constantly heard her complain about having to shop for food every day after her tiring, pencil-pushing, call-answering job.

Before Eren could find anything better to do, he drifted off to sleep, thoughts of his best friend, his sister, and the ocean occupying his dreams  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Eren’s morning started bright and early as he was expected at his job right at opening. He wasn’t sure why 6 AM was an actual time, nor was he certain how he was expected to work at the ungodly hour. He found himself nearly stumbling into Café Maria as he rubbed sleep from his eyes with his palms.

“I have to hand it to ya,” called a voice from behind the counter, a voice which made Eren’s shoulders tense and his hands still in their ministrations against his shut lids. “I didn’t think you’d actually show. Welcome to the team, I guess, jerk face.”

Eren’s hands fell to his sides as a frown took up residence on his face. Rounding the counter of the coffee shop, he barely suppressed the urge to give Jean the finger. It was too early to deal with the stupid insults the boy with the two-toned hairstyle threw his way. “Shut up, horse face,” he grumbled, aware he and Jean were the only ones out front yet not so certain his boss wasn’t eavesdropping from the back room.

Jean’s face turned an unsightly colour of red and his hands curled into fists. His eyes narrowed as he glared daggers at Eren. “What did you call me?”

A man with dark brown hair, parted neatly down the middle, and a pale face littered with freckles pushed his way out of the back room, an apologetic smile on his face as he regarded Eren. One of his hands clapped down on Jean’s shoulder—Eren was surprised to see the gesture seemed to calm the taller boy. “Don’t mind Jean,” the boy said with a light tone. “I don’t think any of us are happy to be awake this early. I’m Marco, by the way, I’ll be training you today.”

Eren gave a stiff nod yet a slight smile curved his lips as he looked upon Marco. There was something about the guy that radiated good vibes and kindness. Maybe it was his soft smile, or maybe it was the jovial glint in his chocolate-coloured eyes. “I’m Eren. Nice to meet you.” While his mood may have been worsened by Jean’s none-too-kind welcoming, he at least had the sense to show some manners to the man who was actually showing him kindness.

Before Marco could lead Eren over to any of the drink machines, Café Maria’s owner and his boss emerged from the back room behind Marco, his cold blue eyes immediately locking on Eren’s face. Erwin Smith was not a man Eren ever wanted to displease—his gaze was chilling and his no-nonsense demeanour intimidated Eren to no end. While Erwin had never said anything to cause Eren to be so antsy around him, he was simply a man who’s presence demanded attention and stated he was the one in charge, no matter the situation. The only flaw Eren found in his boss's otherwise perfect appearance were the caterpillars he called eyebrows resting heavily above his top lids. They were almost comical in their size.

“Eren,” his boss greeted, his tone dripping with power to match his imposing frame. “Good to see you. How are you feeling?”

Eren’s hand twitched at his side as he resisted the urge to bite his thumb. No good would come of the nervous habit today. “Um . . . good, sir.”

Erwin lips quirked upward, though the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m sure with Marco showing you the ropes, you’ll get the hang of everything in no time.” He then glanced over at Jean and Marco before exclaiming, “Let’s have a productive day, everyone.” Jean and Marco barked out a “Yes, sir!” before Erwin pivoted on his heel and marched into the back room. Only when the door swung shut behind his retreating figure did Eren let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He turned wide eyes on Marco expectantly, anxiously.

Marco smiled knowingly, recognizing the slightly dazed and nervous expression occupying Eren’s face. With a tilt of his head, he murmured, “C’mon, let’s get you trained, shall we?”

The morning passed without much fault on Eren’s part. Marco taught him the basic forms of drinks—once he was certain Eren knew how to properly make various types of beverages, he let him take over some of the early morning orders customer’s made as they were fairly simple. Only when noon started to roll around did the orders become more complex. He had no idea how to make a sea salt caramel cappuccino, much less know what one would even look like, were he to concoct one.

Marco noticed his turmoil as he stared blankly at the cappuccino machine. He gifted Eren with a small smile before showing him how to make the drink, much to the new barista’s relief. Eren found himself immensely grateful for Marco’s presence—he was certain Jean would not have been half as helpful had Eren been working alone with him.

After lunchtime had come and gone, the amount of customers visiting seemed to dwindle. Jean ended up leaving for the day, claiming he had classes to take at the local university. His shift was taken over by a girl named Sasha who Eren found he didn’t mind so much. She constantly ate on the job, her stomach being a bottomless pit according to Marco, but she was peppy and optimistic, so Eren found her presence much more welcome than Jean’s.

Shortly after Jean left for the day, Armin slunk into the establishment. While Eren knew his friend had been visiting to see the “sexy barista” named Jean, Eren couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed at how his friend’s face fell when he noticed Jean was gone for the day. Despite that, Armin hung around on one of the stools at the counter, sipping a latte and making small talk with Eren whenever the new barista wasn’t busy running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Once Armin finished up his drink and left, promising Eren they would celebrate his new job come the end of the week, the café’s traffic calmed down almost instantly.

With only a couple more hours left in his shift, yet no customers waiting in line for drinks, Eren found himself scrubbing down the counter top, if only to pass time. The counter was sticky with coffee and sugar yet it was nothing a little antibacterial spray couldn’t fix. With the regulars—which Marco and Sasha had vaguely introduced him—occupying seats at the café booths, Eren knew he had to make himself look busy while awaiting any of them to ask for refills.

Eren was scrubbing at a particularly stubborn spill, brow furrowed in concentration, when he heard the bell above the door chime, signalling the arrival of a customer. He felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced over at Marco. “Another regular,” Marco murmured as the sound of footsteps steadily approaching filled Eren’s ears. “Why don’t you take care of him? His orders are usually pretty simple.”

Eren nodded and placed the cleaning rag in Marco’s out-stretched hand. Approaching the cash register, he wiped his hands nervously against his apron before raising his gaze to meet that of the latest customer.

The first thing Eren noticed about the man was his vertically challenged stature. While his unusually miniscule frame did draw attention to him, it was his whole look that caught and held Eren’s eye. His face consisted of sharp angles and smooth plains, porcelain skin pulled taught over a fine bone structure. Deep-set, heavy-lidded, sharp grey eyes glared emotionlessly at him from behind thick-rimmed glasses as a small frown tugged down plump lips. His hair was as dark as a midnight sky, an undercut present while the part in his hair allowed the longer strands in the front to fall neatly around his face. If his face weren’t attractive enough, his black jeans, acting as a second-skin they were so tight, showed off his strong legs and his loose-fitting, black sweatshirt hinted at a toned torso.

“Oi,” the man called, snapping his fingers in front of Eren’s face. Eren, not realizing he had been staring with his mouth hanging open, snapped his jaw shut with a loud click, the tips of his ears and neck heating with a blush. “I don’t get paid to stand around all day, brat. Are you gonna take my order?”

“U-uh . . . Yes! S-s-sorry!” Eren stammered, hands smoothing out his apron self-consciously. “What’ll it be, sir?”

The man glared at him for a moment, grey eyes darting over Eren’s face, before a barely-audible, “Tch,” issued from his lips. “I’d like a tea. Surprise me.”

Eren nodded once. “Sure,” he murmured before shuffling to the back counter where the teas were held. After snatching a mug from a rack above his head, he scanned the boxes upon boxes of teas. He wasn’t sure what the man would like but, judging by the sour expression he had regarded Eren with, he figured maybe something spicy would be to his liking. Grabbing a teabag of Roobis Chai tea, he let the tea steep for a moment, fingers tapping impatiently against the countertop as he waited. After a 5 minute wait, he brought the tea over to the man, careful to hold the cup with two hands lest he drop it by accident.

Upon meeting the man’s gaze, he blushed to find the man had been staring at him almost the whole time, his eyes betraying an amusement his face didn’t show. “That’ll be a dollar, fifty, please.”

The man slid a five dollar bill across the counter, slender figure tapping it once before the same hand grabbed for his tea. Eren watched, entranced, as the man lifted the cup to his lips in an odd manner, hand perched over the rim rather than around the handle. The man gently blew on the hot surface of the tea, eyes trained on Eren the entire time, before he took an experimental sip. After a moment, he gave a soft shrug, his tongue darting out to lick at his top lip. Eren’s mouth parted slightly as he watched the motion, ears burning yet again, this time in embarrassment after finding the motion incredibly sexy.

“Not bad, kid,” the man said, tone emotionless despite Eren interpreting his statement as a compliment. He tapped the five again before stating, “Keep the change.”

Eren watched the man waltz over to a table near the corner of the shop directly next to the window. Eren couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering along the man’s backside—he admired the way his hips swung ever-so-slightly, the light steps he took despite his clunky combat boots, and the ripple of fabric as muscles worked beneath his clothes. And his ass, oh, Lord, his ass.

Eren had to shake himself out of his thoughts before his mind could memorize the image of the man’s ass. He looked away only to find Marco smirking knowingly at him. No one had warned him Café Maria had an incredibly hot regular. Eren couldn’t help but think that he was royally, and absolutely, fucked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren tries to talk to Levi and Levi finds himself in an awkward situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So . . . rating went up, just to be safe! There is Eruri smut in this chapter so just a head's up if anyone dislikes that pairing. It's sort of important to the story but sort of not at the same time. Anywho, after this chapter, Levi and Eren will definitely be talking more! That's exciting, I think!
> 
> Enjoy! Once again, feel free to let me know what you think! Feedback is more than welcome!

Levi had to admit the kid was pretty cute. The way he had smiled at Levi after handing over his tea had most definitely been a punch in the gut and the blush that had painted his cheeks an endearing pink after he was caught staring was something Levi wouldn’t mind seeing again. He was almost certain the kid—Eren, had his name tag said Eren?—had been staring at his ass as he walked over to his booth, too. He may have swung his hips a little more than necessary, simply because he loved the attention and couldn’t help but toy with the kid a little.

Despite Eren’s enchanting green eyes and bright smile, Levi was quick to reprimand himself. He had to keep in mind the kid was likely half his age—Levi was much too old to even think of pining after such a young boy. So, as he slid into his usual seat and took a sip of the tea Eren had made him, he banished all thoughts of emerald eyes and perfect teeth from his brain, instead choosing to pull out his sketch book from his messenger bag and absorb himself in what he does best—sketch.

Levi had been an accomplished artist for some time. While his biggest fan was and would always be Erwin, the very same man who owned the coffee shop he visited every day at 4 PM sharp, he still found himself surprised that others seemed to like his work just as much. His paintings supported his lifestyle, much to his pleasure, so much so he didn’t have to take up a boring 9 to 5 job in some stuffy office to get by. His office, so to speak, was wherever he wanted it to be, and most of the time it was this endearing little café in the middle of Shiganshina city.

Setting his cup aside, Levi withdrew a pencil from his bag before cracking open his well-loved sketch book. He flipped fondly through the pages, the pads of his fingers tingling as the paper ghosted along his fingertips. Once he reached a blank page—noting mentally how he was nearing the end of this sketch book’s life—he twirled the pencil in his grasp once, twice, before placing the tip against the white sheet.

After taking a deep breath, Levi started to draw. Sometimes, whenever he found himself feeling creative in the coffee shop, he didn’t think and let his hands create whatever they wanted. He was convinced his hands had a mind of their own—he never knew what he was drawing until he saw the finished work in all its minutely-detailed perfection.

Today was no exception. As he sipped his tea with his free hand, the other worked away at drawing. Levi’s eyes followed the soft strokes he made, occasionally darting back and forth along one portion of the page as he shaded some areas in, and by the time it was closing, 6 PM on the dot, his work was finished.

Setting his empty cup aside, Levi squinted down at his drawing. It was a picture of a woman he had seen in the park earlier that day on his way to the café. Her black hair was cut just below her chin yet her long fringe fell softly across her delicate Asian face. Hard grey eyes glared up at him between strands of hair. She had been fighting with a man in the park and Levi had taken great care in mapping out her defiant posture in the drawing. He had memorized that hostile stance as he had looked upon her, some unbidden awe evident in the way he so carefully drew her feminine frame on paper.

“Levi,” called a voice, drawing his attention away from his work. Erwin stood on the other side of the table, his hands resting on a chair back as his eyes flitted over Levi’s posture. Levi leaned forward against the table, an elbow finding purchase on the tabletop, before leaning his cheek against his palm. When Erwin said nothing more, simply stared at him with some unidentifiable emotion in his crystalline gaze, Levi graced him with a slight smirk.

“Eyebrows,” Levi greeted, using the nickname he knew Erwin didn’t care for. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Erwin’s gaze, which had dropped to Levi’s lips as he spoke, raced back up to silver eyes. “Are you working on a new art piece?”

“Hmm?” Levi glanced down at his sketch book. Absently, he stroked a finger along the lines of the girl’s frame. “No, simply sketching interesting characters for practice. Why, would you buy my artwork if I did create something new?” Levi was toying with the man even though he knew he shouldn’t. He was well aware of how fond Erwin was of him, yet with Levi’s attention-seeking nature, he couldn’t help but try to milk praises out of the god-like man.

Erwin scoffed lightly and bent over to rest his forearms against the chair. “Of course I would. When have I ever not supported your artwork?”

While Levi’s chest swelled with pride, his lips quirked down in a frown. It wasn’t fair of him to trick Erwin in to saying such things—he was a selfish creature, he enjoyed the  
attention Erwin gave him, and he knew the only reason he had an art career to begin with was solely because of Erwin. He really didn’t thank the man enough and his shitty, manipulative games likely weren’t helping his cause either.

“Now, don’t pout,” Erwin teased, a devilish smirk tilting his lips. “You know what your pout does to me,” he added, just softly enough only Levi would hear.

Levi’s eyes widened a fraction. “Sounds like someone missed me,” Levi remarked dryly, trying to compose his expression again yet failing. Erwin was good at throwing him off. The man was none-too-subtle with his wandering eyes yet Levi never expected him to tease.

“Come to my house later tonight.” While Levi knew he could say no if he really wanted to, Erwin didn’t phrase it as a question. Erwin would never force Levi into anything he didn’t want to do, and while Levi knew he should say no and tell Erwin a simple thanks for his ever-lasting support, Levi had never been good with words. Erwin knew the way Levi was good at thanking him was with his body, a silent exchange which had started up years ago and neither had been able to call off since Levi had gotten his life on track. Levi was indebted to Erwin and found them fooling around to be adequate compensation for his shitty personality and all of Erwin’s help throughout his life. Levi knew, however, that their arrangement meant something more to Erwin, though he tried to avoid acknowledging the older man’s feelings.

Not trusting his voice, Levi simply nodded at Erwin in response. The man’s smile grew a bit wider, his pearly whites showing between pink lips, and his eyes dancing with an all-consuming lust Levi was used to seeing when the man looked at him. Lust he could handle—it was Erwin’s sometimes unguarded affection stares that Levi found had his world falling out from beneath his feet. Without another word in Levi’s direction, Erwin promptly left the café, the bell chiming with his exit.

Levi rolled his head forward until his forehead rested in his palm. He grumbled under his breath about how ridiculous he was being, how he would regret his decision in the morning like he always did, how pathetic he was for sort-of-kind-of looking forward to sex with Erwin later that night. The man was a constant in his life who always made sure Levi was doing okay and the only thing Levi gave him in return were amazing orgasms—was that really enough for Erwin? Or was Erwin one day hoping Levi would fall as helplessly in love with him as he was in love with Levi?

“Um . . . s-sir?” a hesitant voice drawled near his side.

Levi let out a heavy sigh yet lifted his head out of his hands. The new barista, Eren, stood close by, that same cute blush from earlier painting his tanned cheeks. Cute? Levi thought bitterly. Hadn’t he banished all thoughts of the boy from his mind? “What, shitty brat?” he snapped, without really meaning to. He was immensely upset with himself—not only was he using Erwin for great sex, he was finding the young barista to be cute. What was wrong with him? When had he become a manipulative asshole and a pervert?

The boy grimaced and flinched slightly at his tone. Despite the obvious irritation Levi wore like a second skin, the kid had the gusts to ask, "You're an artist?"

Levi blinked, surprised by Eren's question, though he schooled his expression to remain impassive. "I am."

"And you're a friend of Erwin's?" Levi glared up at the boy for that question, unsure as to why he was asking in the first place. While he wasn't necessarily upset with Eren for asking, he found himself upset with the fact he was unable to answer that question honestly. What was he to Erwin? More importantly, what was Erwin to him? He supposed Erwin was a friend, considering he told Erwin everything, yet they had complicated that title. He could call him a lover, though Levi hated the "L" word since it implied feelings. He definitely couldn't call Erwin his boyfriend. They may fuck each other senseless occasionally and Levi was certain Erwin would love that label but Levi himself didn't like it. They didn't go on dates, they didn't kiss because they loved each other, and they didn't buy each other gifts on Valentine's Day or anything like that.

Instead of gracing the fidgeting boy with an answer, Levi retorted, almost snarling at Eren, "Do you always ask your customers personal questions?"

The boy's eyes widened marginally, the green glittering in the fading sunlight streaming through the windows. Levi watched his Adam's apple bob as he nervously gulped. "Uh . . . n-no." He paused, fidgeting a moment, and then looked down at Levi's finished drink. “S-sorry to disturb y-you, I didn't m-mean to offend you . . . Um, are you finished with your mug? We’ll be closing soon a-a-and . . .”

Levi thrust his cup at the boy. It hit him square in the chest, silencing the rest of whatever words he had been about to spit out. “Yes, I’m done. I’ll be leaving now,” he grumbled. When the boy didn’t take the cup from him, Levi turned his body to face the boy, grabbed one of his hands lying still at his sides, and curved the boy’s fingers around the mug.

Eren’s face went as red as tomato at the contact, his impossibly green eyes flying wide, his long eyelashes fluttering in the movement. “S-sure, thanks. Have a good night!” he exclaimed before scurrying off to the back room. Levi let out another sigh as he wiped his hand against his jeans. The boy’s fingers had been unbearably warm and covered in what he could only hope had been water and not piss or sweat. God forbid Levi dirty his hands with the boy’s gross bodily fluids.

Yanking back the sleeve of his sweatshirt, he took a glance at the silver watch around his wrist. He still had a couple hours before Erwin would be expecting him. Hurrying to pack up his things, he left the coffee shop with the intention of inhaling a few shots at the local bar. At least he could always count on alcohol to sooth his fraying nerves.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
At exactly 9 PM on the dot, Levi was knocking on the front door of Erwin’s quaint bungalow. He had an arm propped up against the bricks lining the doorway if only to give him stability. He was certain the ground would rush up to meet him if he were to let go.  
Levi thought he may have had a bit too much to drink.

The door swung open, revealing Erwin in a white button down, the top couple buttons undone to reveal his collarbones and the smooth plains of his chest. He wore slim-fit jeans, the knees torn, and when he turned away and sauntered back into the house, expecting Levi to follow him, Levi couldn’t help but admire the way his ass looked in those jeans. They were the same jeans Erwin wore every time Levi visited his home; the man knew Levi’s weakness was those jeans.

“You’ve been drinking,” Erwin called over his shoulder once he heard Levi shut the front door behind him. Levi nodded and toed off his shoes somewhat clumsily, cursing when he tried to shrug off his jacket yet ended up tangling his limbs. He teetered precariously in the entrance way to the kitchen, watching Erwin grab glasses of water for them, a pout on his lips as he flailed his arms helplessly.

Erwin, noticing Levi’s predicament, glanced over with a raised brow. Letting out a soft, almost affectionate sigh, he placed the glasses on the kitchen island before shuffling over to assist Levi. With delicate care, he arranged Levi’s arms the proper way so his jacket could slip off. As soon as the coat hit the floor with a heavy thump, Levi spun and threw his arms around Erwin’s neck.

The man returned his embrace, bending ever-so-slightly to accommodate to Levi’s much smaller frame. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Erwin asked, a hint of uncertainty evident in his gaze.

Instead of verbal reassurance, Levi leaned up and crashed his lips against Erwin’s. The man let out a startled noise yet didn’t push Levi away. Taking that as consent to continue, Levi’s tongue darted out, licking along the seam of Erwin’s lips, begging for entrance. Erwin complied with another soft sigh, his mouth falling open and his tongue dancing out to meet Levi’s own. Tongues thrust against each other in a battle for dominance Levi always lost. He surrendered to Erwin and his need for control. It was easier this way, when Levi simply went along with what Erwin wanted him to do.

The truth of the matter was Erwin always knew what he wanted. He had a habit of taking what he wanted from Levi, and while he was not always gentle, Levi had never complained. Only when Levi was with Erwin did he let himself lose control of his own body. He felt detached from himself, not really certain he was Levi Ackerman anymore. He was little more than Erwin’s toy during these moments, something to be used to Erwin’s content, something that pleasured the man who had saved Levi’s life countless times. Levi didn’t hate being with Erwin—after all, he was a really fucking good lay—but he couldn’t say he wanted this forever, either. Eventually he would want to know what love felt like. Maybe he could feel that with Erwin but he wasn’t so sure. The man was too prideful, too headstrong, too commanding for Levi’s liking.

Erwin, tired of just kissing and spurred on by the whorish moans and sighs coming from Levi, taps the side of Levi’s thigh. Understanding the motion, Levi hops up only to wrap his legs around Erwin’s waist. He’s surprised when Erwin splays him out on the kitchen island, mindful of the glasses of water, instead of carrying him somewhere more comfortable like Levi expected.

“Erwin, what the fuck?” Levi asks, feeling coherent for the first time in hours. Sure, he and Erwin haven’t fucked in a while but Levi didn’t think he was that desperate that he couldn’t even wait until they migrated to the bedroom.

“Need you now,” Erwin said in response, his lips moving heatedly against Levi’s neck. The smaller man arched into the touch without thinking, a shaky breath working its way past his lips. Erwin’s mouth was one of the things Levi loved most. Not only were his lips heavenly only him, he also knew how to use that mouth in deliciously sinful ways.

Erwin’s hands slipped up under Levi’s shirt, his thumbs rubbing circles along his skin as he hikes Levi’s shirt higher on his torso. His lips only leave Levi’s neck for a millisecond to remove the younger man’s shirt and then he’s back to licking and nipping and sucking on fair skin.

“Erwin, if you fucking mark me, I will _kill_ you.” Levi’s threat comes out breathless and weak. With all the alcohol running through his veins, every touch sears his skin, every nip of teeth deals a shocking jolt of almost-pained pleasure, and each kisses builds the fire stirring low in his gut.

While Erwin does not acknowledge his words, his bites turn into open-mouthed kisses against Levi’s skin as he moves down the shorter man’s body. While Levi expects to be teased ruthlessly, Erwin ends up mouthing Levi’s navel while working on removing his jeans. Levi lifts his hips, helping in the process, and gasps when his now bare backside touches the cool granite countertop beneath him.

“C’mere,” Erwin urged, leaning away from Levi to beckon with a crook of his finger. Levi obliges, propping himself up on his elbows and shimmying his hips toward the edge of the counter. He licks his lips in anticipation, watching Erwin’s gaze travel up and down his body. While Levi may be short in stature, he took care of his body and was proud of the thinly veiled muscles lacing his form. Erwin had always appreciated perfection and Levi tried to be that for him, if only as another form of thank you to him.

Erwin held up a finger, urging Levi to wait, before hurrying from the room, likely in search of a bottle of lube. Levi stared down at his erection straining up toward his stomach, the head red and throbbing with the need to be touched and fucked. In a lust-filled daze, Levi reached toward his cock, wrapping a hand around it if only to relieve some of his tension. Biting his lip to stifle a groan, his head rolled back and his eyes slid closed as he slowly pumped his own erection. He pays special attention to the head, sucking in a deep breath as he swipes his thumb along the slit, knowing it’ll be easier to please Erwin if he’s already close, begging for his own release.

He doesn’t know how long he’s left to his own devices. He only knows by the time he hears Erwin’s sharp intake of breath somewhere close by, he’s completely wrecked, stroking himself furiously and mewling pathetically. “Jesus, Levi,” Erwin whispers hotly, his breath ghosting along Levi’s inner thigh, followed swiftly by the press of a kiss. Levi barely hears the click of a cap opening, barely registers the unpleasant squirt of lube being poured between the globes of his ass.

What he does notice, and what causes him to halt his ministrations, is the press of Erwin’s cock against his hole. The older man presses in with a pleasured hiss, too  
impatient to prepare Levi properly beforehand. Levi squirms uncomfortably but bites back any protests he may have—Erwin deserves this, he deserves to take his pleasure from the man he gave up so much for. Levi deserves to be destroyed a little by the man whom he owes his life.

Erwin is merciless this time around, too far gone in the haze of pleasure to think of anything but his own release. He’s desperate, unaware of the pain Levi may be in, only knows he has a man before him who is begging to be used and so he uses him. He slams into Levi over and over again, his voice echoing in the kitchen as he lets out chants of _fuck_ and _yes_ and _oh god_ and _Levi_. Levi is not as quiet as he would like to be either—after his pained whimpers and accidental sobs cease, he finds himself crying out in pleasure as well, unable to stop screaming at Erwin to fuck him harder, faster.

Levi’s orgasm sneaks up on him. He feels his toes curl as Erwin rams into his prostate, causing his vision to go white. “F-f _uuu_ ,” he breathes out, his fingers digging into Erwin’s shoulders. Erwin follows shortly after, Levi’s name a broken moan leaving his mouth as hot cum fills and violates Levi’s body. Erwin collapses unceremoniously against Levi, his blonde head sagging into Levi’s chest.

The younger man, shocked that Erwin lost control so completely to cum inside him, which has been a no-no since day one, simply stroked Erwin’s hair and tried to catch his breath. The guilt he knew he would feel was lurking at the edges of his mind—he feels filthy, used, broken, torn apart. He brought this upon himself, he knows, but he can’t help feeling it’s partly Erwin’s fault, too.

If only Erwin hadn’t been walking through back alleys in Shiganshina that day, if only he hadn’t heard Levi’s screams, if only he hadn’t felt the impulse to save the poor, sickly boy from being beaten to death by those horrible men who had wanted Levi dead. If only he hadn’t won the fight and taken it upon himself to pick up Levi’s broken pieces and stitch him back together again. If only he hadn’t supported his career as an artist by purchasing countless paintings anonymously to ensure Levi got on his feet and was able to support himself.

If only he hadn’t fallen in love with Levi somewhere along the way.

Levi suddenly felt sick. Maybe it was the excess alcohol wanting to leave his system or maybe it was his own riotous thoughts. Either way, he shoved Erwin off him and rushed to the bathroom on shaky legs, barely managing to reach the toilet before he was retching up his insides.

He heard Erwin behind him, felt the man rubbing comforting circles on his back. While his touch had been welcomed moments before, it now made Levi feel even worse. How long would this go on for? How long until Levi felt he didn’t owe Erwin anymore?

Collapsing to the tile floor of the bathroom, he leaned back against the bathtub, chest heaving as he greedily sucked in air. “Here,” Erwin called, grabbing his attention. He was holding a glass of water which Levi gratefully took. He hoped his huff of breath was enough of a thanks—he didn’t think he could voice any words of gratitude right now.

“Are you alright?” asked Erwin, head cocked to one side as he stared at Levi, gaze full of concern Levi didn’t need, didn’t want. Levi looked away, a frown curving his lips.

“Yeah,” he croaked, throat dry after so much acidic fluid had passed through it. “Too much to drink,” he says, because it’s a half-truth, and it’s better than telling Erwin he’s nearing the end of this arrangement. He can’t handle this anymore. Plus, Erwin would probably laugh at him if Levi were to admit that now, after he had so clearly enjoyed himself a few moments ago. Remembering such enjoyment, Levi glances down at his stomach where he sees drying cum laced along his abdomen. His nose crinkles as a sign of his disgust. Sex was messy, he had accepted that long ago, but right now it felt a thousand times dirtier than it was.

“Shall we have a bath?” Erwin smiled softly at him, though it didn’t erase the concern in his eyes.

Levi nods, grateful, thinking a bath would be pretty fucking great. Maybe it would get rid of the ache in his ass, and the filth in his body, and the unwanted thoughts swirling through his mind. And maybe, just maybe, a bath would heal his broken heart, a heart which Levi himself had smashed to pieces once again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm so I'm not entirely happy with this chapter . . . but I've been trying to fix it for a while now and I keep writing it out the same way. So, yeah, here, have a chapter, hope you enjoy it, you lovely people! Also, sorry for any grammatical errors there may be. I have the flu and I am wayyyy too pumped up on Advil to accurately edit. 
> 
> Anywho, once again, hope you enjoy and thank you for reading!

               After a month of working at Café Maria, Eren found himself becoming close friends with both Jean and Marco. Despite Jean constantly getting on his nerves and picking fights with him whenever he could, they did have a similar sense of humour and seemed to enjoy casually insulting each other. While Marco hovered around them, worried they would rip at each other’s throats at any given moment, Eren and Jean did find moments where it was just the two of them, actually talking and enjoying each other’s company without admitting it to the other.

                Today was one of those days for Eren. He happened to be at Jean’s house, in his room, sitting in one of the plush bean bag chairs positioned before his friend's monster TV. They were playing some shooting game that Eren found overrated though he was quite good at it. He had to admit that any game he could beat Jean in was a game even he could appreciate it, regardless of how silly the concept of the game may seem.

                “So, you and Marco, huh?” Eren asked casually, lounging back in his beanbag as he waited for a new round to start up. He rubbed absently at the beanie hat above his head, his other hand occupied with the PS4 controller hanging loosely in his grasp.

                Jean glanced over at him from where he sat in the floor. He nearly had his nose pressed to the screen, claiming he couldn’t see what his character was doing otherwise. Eren had made a joke about needing glasses once upon a time to which Jean replied back tackling him and punching him once in the gut to "teach him a lesson". Eren still didn't know what that lesson was but he made sure to never tease Jean about getting glasses ever again.

“Is it that obvious?” Jean asked. If Eren didn’t know better, he could have sworn a blush painted Jean’s cheeks. But Jean never showed embarrassment, did he?

                “Sort of. I mean, you and Marco are practically attached at the hip. And, you know, he constantly makes up excuses to touch you. Like, he _always_ touches your shoulder some point throughout your conversations with him.” Eren shrugged a shoulder before shifting forward in his seat, his gaze moving to the screen as the game started up. He clutched the controller tightly in both hands, his tongue pushing against his top lip as he concentrated on moving his character.

                “Hmm,” was Jean’s only response. Stealing a glance at him in the corner of his eye, Eren confirmed he was indeed blushing.

                “What, you shy all of a sudden? You know you can tell me your dirty secrets,” Eren teased with a small grin Jean just barely caught as he threw a glare to the green-eyed boy.

                Jean let out a noise akin to a growl. “Shut your face, Jaeger. I’m not _shy_. Marco just doesn’t like people knowing.”

                “Eh? Why not?”

                “His parents are super homophobic so I’d prefer to keep it under wraps, thanks.”

                Eren nodded. Realizing Jean couldn’t see the motion, he murmured sincerely, teasing edge gone, “I won’t tell anyone. Except maybe Armin ‘cause, you know, he has _the_ biggest crush on you.”

                “Who, Blondie?”

                “Yeah.”

                Jean hummed, a neutral sound revealing nothing about how Jean felt in regards to that tidbit of information. Eren waited with baited breath but Jean didn’t comment.

                A long moment passed, the only sounds in the room being gunshots and ushered commands from the TV as well as the clicking of joysticks and button mashing.

                Eren managed to murder Jean’s character again. Jean let out a curse. He stretched lightly as he waited to respawn. As soon as his character was mobile again, he asked, “What’s going on with you and that old man?”

                “Huh?”

                “You know, the short, grumpy one. Who always visits the café and calls you brat.”

                Eren’s face heated up. He was thankful Jean couldn’t see him. “Oh, you mean Levi.”

                “Jeesh, you know his name?”

                “I heard Erwin call him that.”

                Jean shook his head. “Erwin, of course, he knows everyone.”

                Eren was silent, hoping Jean wouldn’t bring it up again. Unfortunately, his luck wasn’t as great as he would like.

                “So? Spill, who’s this Levi guy to you?”

                Eren groaned, one hand leaving his controller to slip nervously through his hair, pushing off his beanie in the process. He scrambled to retrieve it, hands shaking with sudden nerves, and slip it back over his untameable bedhead he had been cursed with that morning. “Erm, I’m not sure. I mean, he’s not the nicest person in the world but I don’t mind him. There’s something about him that just intrigues me. We traded numbers and he's kinda nice to text. Ya know, when he's not being a condescending ass. Plus, he has a, erm . . .” Eren blushed, unable to finish his sentence.

                Jean caught onto his hesitancy. Without taking his eyes away from the carnage on the screen, only tilting his head so one ear was trained in Eren's direction, he prodded, “What? He has a what?”

                “A fantastic ass,” Eren mumbled, his words strung together as he breathed them out.

                Jean quiet, so quiet Eren started to think he hadn’t heard him. Quite suddenly, Jean hunched over as he keeled with laughter, clutching his gut as if he would fall apart otherwise. Eren, exasperated, kicked at his back, earning a sharp “Ow!” and effectively silencing Jean’s howling laughter.

                “You are so fucking screwed, Eren,” Jean said, voice light and teasing. “You realize that Erwin is totally boning him, right?”

                Eren blinked incredulously at Jean. “Erm, what?”

                Jean turned around to face his co-worker, forgetting about the game for the moment. The sounds of character deaths filled his ears yet he valued the conversation with Eren over his kill-death ratio. “Yeah, Erwin tries to be sneaky about it but Levi’s not one for subtlety. Sometimes Erwin comes into work in the morning looking like he won the fucking lottery and Levi stumbles in after him just wrecked. I can’t believe you never noticed.”

                Eren’s stomach twisted painfully and he grimaced. So what if Levi was with Erwin? He hadn’t known Levi long, and if he thought about the man, he realized he didn’t know much about him at all. For a few weeks, Levi had been nothing but hostile and anti-social when speaking with Eren yet his lingering gaze had encouraged Eren to pursue some sort of communication. Just recently Levi had started warming up to him. He had ditched his quiet corner table in lieu of sitting at the counter closest to Eren’s station. Sometimes he would attempt small talk and carry out playful banter—other days he would sit quietly and sip his tea while reading a bookor sketching. While Eren tried not to bother the grey-eyedman so much, he figured it was alright to so long as Levi sat at the counter. Otherwise, if he wanted to keep to himself, he could very well move back to his old seat at the corner table.

                Eren may have developed a puppy crush on Levi yet he didn’t want to admit that to Jean, of all people. There was something about Levi’s cool, collected demeanour that drew Eren in. Eren himself was hot-headed and obnoxious—Levi’s temperament was a polar opposite and soothed Eren’s constantly jittery nerves. However, the man did have a way of heating him up as well. Sometimes he caught Levi staring at him, his steel gaze unwavering and calculating, staring as if Eren was some creature he couldn’t figure out. Other times his gaze was like liquid iron, searing and passionate—those gazes constantly made Eren blush and he had to leave the room, lest he lunge across the counter into Levi’s lap or, worse, cum in his pants just by having the man stare at him with that heated gaze.

                He couldn’t figure Levi out but he most definitely wanted to. He had made it his mission to try and worm his way through the walls Levi so carefully constructed around himself. It was clear the older man didn’t like letting people in but Eren was patient and he was most definitely determined. Levi’s glares and biting remarks didn’t scare him away like they originally had.

                “Isn’t that unprofessional? Sleeping with a customer?” Eren asked, nose wrinkled at the thought of his boss and Levi, the man of his growing affection, together.

                “Pfft,” Jean sputtered, rolling his eyes. “You wanna bang him just as much as Erwin does. Don’t even talk about professionalism.” Jean stabbed an accusing finger Eren’s way, waving it once for good measure before letting it fall to his lap. “Besides, Erwin and Levi have been best friends or something forever. Levi originally worked at the coffee shop when Erwin first opened it up a couple years ago. But then Erwin funded his artist career and, well, Levi pretty much quit.”

                Eren’s grimace deepened. So Erwin was a long-time friend, the reason for Levi’s career as an artist, and his lover. There was no way Eren could compete with that.

                “Jaeger, don’t look so put out.” Jean put a hand on Eren’s knee, meaning for it to be comforting, yet Eren glared at the appendage as if it offended him. “Jeesh, I’m trying to comfort you, you fucking moron.”

                “Shut it, horse-face, nobody wants your pity.” Eren knew he was being cruel. After all, Jean had just provided him with what he could file away as valuable information. But Eren had a temper and news of Erwin and Levi’s relationship was not something that settled easily in the recesses of his heart.

                “Don’t be such an asshat!”

                “Then don’t be such a loud-mouthed weirdo!”

                Jean pursed his lips, fists clenching dangerously as his eyes narrowed at Eren. He looked as if he were about to make a biting retort, yet he forced his hands to relax and let out a heavy sigh. “Okay, look, you need to relax. How about you come out to the club with me and a couple other friends tonight? There’s some people from work going who you’ll know.”

                Eren was about to reject the offer but thought twice. He did need a fun night out. It had been too long since he had a couple drinks and let loose on a dance floor. Maybe it would do him some good to get out and have a good time with Jean and his buddies. “Can Armin come?”

                Jean shrugged. “The more, the merrier.”

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                By the time Eren and Armin, trailed by Marco and Jean, entered the club, it was packed. It was only a little after 11 PM but it looked as if everyone and their neighbour had decided to hit up the Titan that evening.

                Eren wormed his way through the crowd to the bar, ignoring the sidelong glances he received from girls and guys alike. He knew he looked good. He had made sure to wear his tightest skinny jeans, a pair of dark wash ones that he knew made his ass look great. He wore a black, v-neck t-shirt on his torso, along with an unbuttoned green cardigan that made his eyes pop. He had ditched his beanie and, with the help of Armin, his hair was what could only be described as a sexy mess, as if one too many people had grabbed at his hair on his way to the club.

                As him and Armin sidled up to the bar, Eren looped his arm around his friend’s waist out of habit, knowing full well Armin would be stolen away by some over-bearing guy if Eren wasn’t there as deflection. “What do you want to drink?” asked Eren, his mouth close to Armin’s ear so he could be heard over the heavy bass flowing through the speakers.

                “Rum and coke,” Armin called, though his answer was directed at the bar tender who had migrated to their end of the bar. The man nodded before looking to Eren.

                “Just a Keith’s for me,” he stated before sliding the man a twenty.

                The bar tender flashed a grin before moving away to grab their drinks.

                Eren leaned back against the bar, his eyes scanning the crowd of people cumulated in the club. He watched as couples gyrated on the dance floor, their bodies undulating under the flashing lights. Those not dancing lingered in booths strewn around the edges of the club, their heads inclined close together as they chatted amongst themselves.

                One particular table drew Eren’s attention.

                As soon as he had his beer in hand, he hooked a finger through Armin’s belt loop, dragging him over to the table, a sly grin plastered on his face.

                “Levi,” Eren called as he reached the table, drawing the other man’s attention to the younger.

                Levi appraised Eren up and down, his face that emotionless mask Eren had become accustomed to yet his eyes screaming his approval when taking in Eren’s tight jeans. “Isn’t it past your bedtime,” he deadpanned.

                Eren snorted as he leaned his elbows on the tabletop, slightly invading the older man’s personal space. Levi didn’t seem to mind. “I’m too old for curfew. I thought old men weren’t allowed in clubs like this.”

                Levi rolled his eyes, his fist darting out to punch Eren lightly on the arm. The brunette grinned at the action, happy to see Levi in good spirits this night. “I’m not _that_ old,” he grumbled, though he wasn’t as offended as he pretended to be as he glared at Eren.

                “How old are you then?”

                Levi shook his head and took a sip of his vodka. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” he grumbled, his tone suggesting Eren wouldn’t be getting an answer out of him tonight.

                “Eren, I’m going to go find Jean,” Armin stated from his side. Eren glanced at his friend, seeing him smiling yet obviously uncomfortable when faced with the two men flirting. Flirting, was that what him and Levi were doing? Eren could only wonder.

                “Yeah, sure,” Eren murmured. “He’s dating Marco, just so you know.”

                Armin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know. I’m not blind.”

                Eren smiled softly. “Alright, be safe.” He mostly said it for his own benefit. He didn’t like leaving Armin alone in places like this yet Armin’s nod and reassuring smile were all Eren needed to placate his nerves. Armin walked off, leaving Eren and Levi on their own. Turning back to the raven-haired man, Eren flashed a dazzling smile, the one Levi loved seeing though he hated admitting such to himself.

                “Shouldn’t you be spending time with your bratty friends?” Levi asked with a quirk of an eyebrow.

                Eren shrugged and took a swig of his beer before answering. “I can choose what company I keep.” Eren glanced at Levi in the corner of his eye. “Are you here alone?”

                Levi’s eyes narrowed as he looked out at the dance floor. He could see a brown ponytail bobbing amongst the bodies and he was almost certain he heard his friend’s excited shrieks. “No, I’m here with a friend.”

                “You have friends?” Eren teased, his familiar, playful grin tugging at his pretty lips.

                “I’m not sure I could even call Hanji a friend. She forces her presence upon me constantly.”

                “Oh, poor you, forced to socialize and act like a human being.”

                Levi’s glare fell on Eren. The brunette’s grin simply widened, his bright eyes twinkling with mischief. “If you’re going to be a condescending piece of shit, I might just have to leave.”

                “Oh, come on, you’ve said worse to me in the month we’ve known each other. And that was in a respectable place, my place of work!”

                Levi supposed the kid had a point. He very well couldn’t control half the things that came out of his mouth, regardless of where he happened to be at the time. He was surprised the brat still paid him any mind with all the cruel, cold things he had snapped at him over the past month. Maybe there was a screw loose in the kid’s head or he had a glutton for punishment. Levi licked his lips at the idea of the latter. If it was punishment he liked . . .

                Pushing those thoughts away, knowing no good would come of them, he asked, “Shouldn’t you be doing something more productive with your time? Like maybe studying? You are in college, after all.”

                Eren nodded solemnly. “I could be studying but Jean dragged me out to—” Eren slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes flying wide, aware he had almost told Levi the purpose of his visit being to _forget_ about Levi. And his questionable taste in sexual partners.

                With the thought of Erwin and Levi surfacing to his mind again, he suddenly felt sick.

                “What’s wrong?” Levi asked. Eren was almost certain he heard concern in his tone. “You look constipated.”

                Eren gave him an odd look. “Nothing, just thought of something I don’t care much for.”

                Levi wondered what the brat thought about that was bad enough to wipe that breath-taking smile off his face. It wasn’t often he saw Eren in any mood other than friendly and content. Sure, the kid sometimes looked a little dejected if he was worn down by customers at the café, yet he never looked as put out and upset as he did in that very moment.

                “Something wrong in your life?” Levi asked, though he wasn’t sure why he even bothered. It wasn’t like he cared for the kid. Or at least he tried not to. He couldn’t help but notice Eren was incredibly easy to talk to and he was an open book when it came to reading his emotions. He was someone who could be trusted, someone who took care of others with a ferocity Levi had never seen before, someone who was strong-willed in his ways. He was someone who had easily wormed his way under Levi’s skin and while that alone annoyed Levi to no end, he found it difficult to do the right thing and push the kid away.

                “Not really,” Eren said, nose wrinkled as if he smelled something foul.

                “Oi, stop scrunching your face up, it’s going to get stuck like that.” Levi found his hand was reaching out as if he intended to smooth the lines creasing the brat’s forehead. Thinking twice, he played off the raised hand as if he had a cough, covering his mouth lightly before placing it back around his glass where it was safe. His knuckles turned white with the force of his hold on the glass.

                “Leviiiiiii!” squealed the high-pitched, much-too-ecstatic Hanji as she rushed to his side off the dance floor.   She nearly tackled the small man out of his seat with the force of her embrace. Eren chuckled behind his hand at the exasperated expression on Levi’s face. “My cute little grump, I didn’t know you kept such adorable company!” Hanji’s crazed eyes glittered behind her glasses as she stared at Eren from across the table. Her mouth was tugged into the wildest grin Eren had ever seen—she was practically salivating, looking upon Eren like he was some lab experiment gone right.

                “Hanji, this is Eren. Eren, Hanji.”

                Eren extended his hand, intending to give a friendly shake, yet Hanji leapt around the table and threw her arms around him. She nuzzled her cheek against Eren’s, humming in the back of her throat as she did so. “Uh . . .” was all he managed to get out, arms held out awkwardly from his body, displaying his uncertainty as to what he should do.

                To Eren’s relief, Levi yanked the collar of Hanji’s shirt, pulling her off of Eren. He shot Eren an indecipherable look over Hanji’s shoulder. “Don’t smother him,” he barked at Hanji, pressing her down into a seat next to him.

                “How do you know Levi?” she asked Eren, her eyes alight with happiness despite being man-handled and tossed around like a rag doll moments ago.

                “He frequents the coffee shop I work at.”

                “No way! Do you put little hearts in the foam of his drinks? Or, oooh, are you the type who writes your number on the side of his foam cup?” Hanji nearly swooned at the thought. She clutched both hands against her chest, right over her heart, as if checking to make sure the life-giving muscle hadn’t jumped out of her body.

                Eren flushed a thousand shades of red, his eyes looking anywhere but at Levi. The older man smirked behind a hand, finding the boy’s embarrassment quite endearing. _Stop it, Levi_ , he hissed at himself. _You’re not allowed to think the brat’s cute._

                “Erm, no,” Eren muttered, his thumb moving to his mouth to nibble on the flesh. Levi reached out, his hand grasping Eren’s tightly yet not uncomfortably as he lowered the boy’s hand back to the tabletop. His hand lingered a moment too long on Eren’s, causing the younger man to look at him with questions in his eyes, yet all Levi did was give Eren’s hand a quick squeeze before releasing it like he was a disease. _Seriously, Levi, get your shit together. No touching the kid_. Levi vaguely wondered if he had maybe had too much to drink. This was his third glass of vodka and while he wasn’t exactly a light weight, he did notice the club was becoming a bit hazy.

                “I want to dance,” Levi blurted out, his tongue loosening as soon as he realized his own inebriated state.

                Eren blinked at Levi, shocked by the raven’s words. He was so used to uptight, clean-freak, sarcastic Levi; slightly-tipsy, club-visiting, dancing-queen Levi was an entirely different person to him. He found himself wondering if maybe the Levi he knew had some strange twin who liked to pose as the stoic man whenever he visited bars.

                Levi stood from his seat, having to hop down to reach the ground. Eren smiled lightly at the spectacle but quickly hid it behind a hand when Levi’s gunmetal grey eyes turned his way. “Are you going to join me, brat?”

                Eren felt his face flush. Pointing a finger at his own chest as he stared owl-ishly at Levi, he asked, “Me?”

                Levi rolled his eyes. “Obviously.” He reached out and took a hold of the hand that had still been pointed at Eren’s chest. Without so much as a stutter in his step, Levi dragged the brunette into the crowd of dancers, clearing a path to the middle of the dance floor with a steely arm pushed out in front of him. As soon as he was content with his placement on the floor, though distressed to find there were too many sweaty people pressed closed to him, he turned to face Eren and pulled the young boy close.

                As Levi stared up at Eren, his arms slung around the boy’s neck while Eren placed his hands hesitantly on Levi’s slim hips, Levi noticed Eren’s face was as red as a tomato. Smirking up at the brunette, Levi leaned close and asked in his ear, “What, never danced with a man before?”

                Eren had the guts to at least murmur back, “Not one I’ve liked as much as you.”

                Levi knew in the back of his mind that Eren’s words should have bothered him. Levi was much older than him and he had his awkward arrangement with Erwin to worry about. Yet with Eren’s big, puppy-dog eyes staring heatedly down at him and his mouth curved in a delicious smile, Levi couldn’t bring himself to push the kid away and call it a night. He was caustic by nature and if the kid couldn’t find his own reasons to stay away from Levi, who was Levi to tell him what to do? He would deal with Erwin—he would deal with the shit storm of unchecked emotions he would have to face if he let Eren in.

                For tonight, he could pretend he didn’t have a hot, model-esque, blonde waiting for him back home. He could pretend he was just Levi the painter who had a thing for emotional green eyes, caramel skin and bratty, young men.

                Without a care in the world, Levi let himself move to the bass-heavy music thrumming through the bar. He turned in Eren’s arms and threw his head back against the brunette’s shoulder, grinding his hips back into Eren’s crotch. It caught the boy off guard—Levi could tell by the quiet gasp that left Eren and the way his whole body tensed. Eren soon relaxed and summoned enough of his bravery to smooth his hands up Levi’s sides before sliding back down again, his fingers drumming against the tops of his thighs teasingly. The movement only seemed to spur Levi’s hips movements. He rolled back against Eren, slowly gyrating his hips, a pleased smirk quirking his lips when he felt the kid’s hands grip his hips tightly as Eren debated whether to pull the man closer or push him away.

                Eren chose the former. Sliding his hands dangerously close to Levi’s crotch, he let his nose press into the raven’s hair before tugging Levi’s hips back against him after each roll. He knew he was enjoying himself too much—he knew he needed to stop. But Levi’s own hands were sliding into Eren’s hair and tugging just the right amount to leave delicious shivers running up his spine and he knew he couldn’t push the smaller man away. Unbidden, a groan slipped through his lips as his eyes slid shut and Levi stilled.

                The raven turned in Eren’s arms yet again. Eren’s eyes snapped open and a blush rose to his cheeks and ears. He expected to be reprimanded for getting so excited just by dancing with the man he had been pining after for a whole month. What he didn’t expect was staring into Levi’s eyes to find them clouded with lust. His gaze was liquid magma, searing Eren the longer he stared.

                “Come.” It wasn’t a statement or a question. Levi needed Eren to follow him, right that very moment.

                “Not yet,” Eren grumbled teasingly, his grin the perfect amount of seduction and mischief. His eyes glittered with his want for Levi but there was also an unspoken question in his gaze. What, exactly, did Levi intend to do?

                Levi couldn’t help but smirk at the kid’s words. He didn’t comment, simply chose to turn in the general direction of the bathroom and tow the kid along after him.

                As soon as they reached the men’s room, Levi checked to make sure the bathroom was empty. Satisfied, he moved to the stall farthest from the door, glancing over his shoulder at Eren to throw him a ‘come hither’ look. Eren wasted no time in rushing in after him. He barely had time to close the stall door behind him before Levi had him pressed up against the door.

                Levi’s lips were hot and demanding, not an ounce of patience evident in his rough claiming of Eren’s mouth. A startled sound from Eren slipped into Levi’s mouth but quickly ended on a moan as Levi’s tongue swept against the brunette’s pliant lips. Eren’s eyes slid shut as he surrendered to the assault, his hands finding purchase against Levi’s hips as their tongues fought for dominance. Eren succumbed to Levi, simply letting himself get lost to the feeling of Levi’s skilled tongue sliding over his teeth, the roof of his mouth, and circling around his own tongue.

                Eren yanked the raven closer to his body, letting out a pleased sound as he felt the hard ridges of Levi’s chest and stomach press against his own. Levi slid a knee between Eren’s legs and then immediately pressed it against Eren’s growing arousal, earning a keening whine from the brunette. Eren shamelessly rut against Levi’s thigh as he let his hands travel along the raven’s back and under his shirt to explore the smooth, muscled expanse of his abdomen. His whole body felt ablaze—everywhere Levi touched left Eren feeling seared.

                A vibrating started up in Levi’s left hip, dangerously close to Eren’s erection. The boy jumped, a gasp slipping out of his mouth which Levi’s swallowed. “Phone,” Levi groaned out as Eren’s hands slid over the curves of his jean-clad ass. “It’ll go to—oh, _fuck_ , do that again,” he pleaded as Eren nipped at the skin just beneath the man’s ear. Eren did, earning a breathy moan from the raven. Levi tried again: “It’ll go to voicemail.”

                As Eren practically devoured the skin of Levi’s neck, nipping the skin only to soothe the blossoming red marks with a swipe of his tongue or a hungry press of his lips, the phone stopped its incessant rumbling.

                Only to start up again moments later.

                Levi groaned, this time out of annoyance rather than pleasure. Eren stopped his assault of Levi’s neck. He sighed and pressed his nose against the junction of Levi’s neck and shoulder. “You should answer that,” Eren said, his voice a throaty rasp. “Someone could be dying.”

                Levi snorted. His hand wandered down Eren’s chest, sliding along the boy’s abdomen, and stilling over the straining bulge in Eren’s pants. The brunette sucked in a harsh breath as Levi began to teasingly stroke his clothed length. The attention was incredibly arousing and . . . not enough. Eren whined, bucking his hips forward in hopes Levi would increase his ministrations, but all he got in turn was a breathy chuckle.

                The phone began buzzing for a third time. Levi huffed out a breath. “Seriously, what the fuck . . .” He yanked his phone out of his pocket as soon as Eren leaned his head back against the stall door. Upon seeing the caller ID, Levi paled, his playful smirk dropping off his face. His hand stilled over the seam of Eren’s jeans before quickly retreating entirely. “Fuck.” Levi answered the call, his eyes locked on Eren’s. Pressing the phone to his ear, he muttered, “What do you want, Erwin.”

                Eren frowned, any pleasure he had been feeling thrumming through his body vanishing in an instant. He watched, equally mortified and hurt, as Levi reached forward and palmed Eren’s fading erection, nodding along to something Erwin was saying on the other end. Without a second thought, Eren’s anger reared its ugly head and he slapped Levi’s hand away.

                Levi appeared shocked, his eyes widening a fraction. “No, I’m listening,” he said, sounding as distracted as he looked.

                Eren sneered in disgust and pushed his way out of the stall. He had entirely forgotten about Erwin. Had Levi forgotten, too, or was making out with strangers in bathroom stalls a fond pastime of his? Eren chuckled bitterly at the thought as he all but stormed out of the bar, barely sparing his friends’ table a glance as he did so.

                His whole body ached with the force of his reeling emotions. He thought about Levi and the press of his body, the smooth glide of his lips, the firm pads of his fingers, the soft silk of his hair. He thought of how Erwin had seen much more of Levi than Eren had and how it would likely remain that way.

                For the first time in a long time, Eren craved a smoke to calm his nerves.

                _God, the things Levi does to me._ After a long moment of stomping down the street, kicking stones into the street as he saw fit, Eren realized he would have to see Levi tomorrow at the coffee shop— _and_ Erwin. Eren suddenly didn’t know which was worse. Eren couldn't help but dread the arrival of tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING(S): Mention of past self-harm. Also, one of the characters has a panic attack.
> 
> If these are things which may trigger you, please feel free to ignore this chapter.
> 
> ALSO . . . I apologize for taking so long to update. Uni is kinda my priority right now. But I appreciate all of the kind comments as well as the kudos! You guys are amazing <3

               Eren’s ‘tomorrow’ ended up being just as terrible as he expected. Unsurprisingly, Levi showed up at the shop and ordered his usual tea. What was surprising was Levi's barely-there acknowledgement of Eren—he took in the boy’s blush and stammered ‘good morning’ with only a simple nod in return, his expression as inscrutable as ever. Instead of taking his usual seat on the barstool Eren had dubbed as Levi's, he returned to his desolate corner table without a thank you or a goodbye. Eren watched, heart heavy, as the artist withdrew his sketch book from his messenger bag. In between sketching on the sleek, too-white pages, he took sips of his tea and glanced out the window of the café.

                Jean noticed the lost puppy looks Eren threw Levi’s way but didn’t comment. He patted Eren on the back and insisted he visit his house to “catch up”. Eren took that invitation for what it was—a none-too-subtle dig for answers. Despite that, Eren agreed. He figured it would be good to talk to Jean about it. He certainly couldn’t speak with Mikasa—she would rush off and kill Levi—and Armin would sprout nonsense about ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ and ‘he’s not good enough for you’.

                After his shift, the rest of the night was spent kicking Jean’s ass in _Call of Duty_ and pouting over a man who would never be his. Later that night, as he walked home from Jean’s, a storm rolled over without any preamble. Soaked to the bone and limbs shivering with the cold bite of the rain, Eren figured the weather was a fitting reflection of his mood. He could only hope things would get better.

 

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               To say the next day was any better would be a lie. Eren ended up coming down with a fever too high to get out of bed comfortably and so Mikasa called Jean to let him know Eren wouldn’t be in to work. Eren, hidden beneath a high pile of blankets on his soft cot, moaned the whole while his sister was on the phone, insisting he was well enough to go into work, he just needed another couple minutes of sleep. When he poked his head out of the warmth of his blankets, Mikasa rolled her eyes at him and told Jean Eren was in no shape to work at all. Considering Jean worshiped the very ground Mikasa walked on, he agreed Eren should stay home and Mikasa quickly ended the conversation after that.

                After tossing Eren’s phone onto his bedside table, Mikasa perched on Eren’s bed, her eyes full of concern as she stared down at her brother huddled in his cozy bed. “I’m going to stay home and take care of you,” she stated, and her tone held no room for argument.

                Eren groaned and pulled his blankets over his head. Only a tuft of chestnut locks could be seen splayed across his red checkered pillow. “Kasa,” he droned, drawing out the _a_ ’s. “I’m not a little kid. I can look after myself.”

                Mikasa stared at him, unamused, and stated dryly, “You couldn’t even get out of bed this morning to get pain meds. I had to bring them to you so you didn’t fall on your ass trying to reach the bathroom.”

                Eren winced, blankets shifting and rustling with the pained motion. “Hush, hush, speak a little more quietly?”

                It was a ridiculous thing to request, considering Mikasa was one of the most soft-spoken people Eren knew. Her narrowed eyes were a silent way of saying ‘see, you’re absolutely pathetic’, and though Eren couldn’t see her beneath the blankets, he felt the glare like tiny knives dancing along his skin. Eren’s response was to burrow further under the covers, that single tuft of hair disappearing from view.

                Mikasa let out a sigh and patted the covered curve of one of his shoulders. “Would you like some soup?”

                Eren grumbled unintelligibly. Mikasa took that as a yes and moved out of his room to the small kitchenette. Once the soft padding of her feet could be heard on the linoleum flooring of the kitchen, Eren wormed his head out of his blankets again to breathe in fresh air. He breathed through his mouth, his nose too congested to serve its purpose, and sleepily blinked his eyes into the mute lighting of his room. Through his cheap curtains, a hint of sunlight streamed into his room, and even that small amount of brightness hurt his head.

                “Kasa,” he groaned out. “Kasa, I think I’m dying.”

                “You’re not dying,” she called from the kitchen. He heard her rattling around in the drawers, likely seeking out a pot and wooden spoon for the soup. “Eren, where did you put the pot?” Something clattered loudly and Eren winced again. The clash of metal-on-metal rang through his head, rattling his brain for a long moment after the noise had quieted down.

                “Eren?” Mikasa called again, a hint of worry in her voice. “Did you actually die?”

                “No,” he called out quickly. Too quickly—he coughed as he choked on his own spit. Eyes watering and throat burning, he waited until his coughing fit quieted down to answer. “The pot is under the bathroom skin, I think.”

                “The bathroom . . .? I don’t even want to know,” Mikasa added quickly. Eren then heard her step into the bathroom. Closing his eyes against the sound of her pushing things around in the bathroom cupboard, he let out a long sigh. He pressed a hand to his forehead, well aware the air was bitingly cold on his arm when he removed it from his blankets yet knowing the chill was a figment of his fever-ravaged mind.

                Eren must have drifted off, for the next time he opened his eyes, he was sheltered away under his blankets again and Mikasa was gently shaking him awake. Once he blinked his eyes up at her a couple time, emerald green orbs just visible over the top of his blankets, she whispered, “Soup’s ready.” He looked to the white bowl in her hand, catching the outline of escaping heat curling above the bowl.

                Eren pushed himself up against his pillows, shivering when the blankets slipped. He quickly yanked them back up to his chin and snaked an arm out for the soup.

                “Do you need me to feed you?” Mikasa asked, looking much too excited over the thought. Eren tried not to show his disgust on his face—he knew Mikasa’s favourite pastime was babying him but that didn’t make it any less disturbing. After his mom died, Mikasa felt obligated to raise him with some sort of motherly-influence, and she had never really grown out of that habit.

                “Ugh, Kasa, no, I can feed myself, thanks,” Eren murmured uncomfortably, taking the bowl from her with shaking hands.

                He quickly began devouring the soup. Despite being sick, he still recognized his hunger. After a few tentative gulps of heavenly chicken noodle, he noticed Mikasa hovering, watching him eat. “Uh,” he began, spoon stopping half-way to his lips. “Somethin’ you need, Mika?”

                She shook her head yet remained perched on the edge of his bed, her dark eyes still turned his way. She tugged on the folds of her scarf, Eren’s gift to her years ago, until it hid her lips from view. “Who’s Levi?”

                Eren choked on the spoonful of soup he had just consumed. Another coughing fit ensued, further irritating his throat. After he had caught his breath, he noticed his hands violently shaking, threatening to spill his soup, and willed his nerves to calm. “Levi? Where did you get that name?”

                Mikasa simply watched him for a long moment, her expression unreadable and her eyes flashing over his face to take in each twitch of muscle. “He tried calling you twice while you were asleep.”

                Eren’s face heated up with a blush. “Twice?!”

                Why would Levi call him? The artist had completely ignored Eren yesterday. What could there possibly be to talk about that had him calling Eren?

                _Well, Eren,_ his thoughts goaded, _perhaps the fact that you were two seconds away from having your brains fucked out in a bathroom stall before the guy’s boyfriend called to interrupt things._

                The thought of Erwin had Eren making a face.

                “Why does your face look like that?” Mikasa asked, reaching out a finger to poke at the lines forming between his furrowed brows.

                Eren half-heartedly swatted at her hand with his spoon, a grimace contorting his lips. “My face looks the same as it always does.” He received a glare for that one. “Besides, who Levi is doesn’t matter.”

                She arched a slim, black brow and crossed her arms.

                Eren rolled his eyes. “Fine. He’s just some guy who visits the coffee shop every day.”

                “And he has your number?”

                Eren widened his eyes, giving her the best puppy dog eyes he could. “What? Am I not allowed to make friends with my customers?”

                She sighed and softly ruffled his hair, much to his displeasure. Despite his indignant sound, she rested her hand atop his head as she muttered, “Just be careful, okay?”

                Before Eren could retort, or ask her what she meant by that strange request, Mikasa was up and sauntering out of his room. She closed the door behind her, a silent request for him to stay quiet and just rest.

                Eren sat there staring at the closed door until his soup turned cool, pondering her words. There were many things she could have meant. Too tired to really weed out one meaning from them however, he placed the bowl of cold soup on his bedside table and curled up under the covers. He fell asleep thinking of dark hair, piercing eyes, and soft artist’s hands.

 

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               There was a spot of rust which wouldn’t come out of basin of the sink. Levi glared at it as if intimidation tactics would work on removing stubborn stains, yet the little blotch on the supposed stainless-steel remained. Hands fisted against his hips and hair pinned back by a ridiculous head wrap that looked as if it belonged in the 60’s, Levi let out a defeated sigh. He had been cleaning his apartment top to bottom the past three days after the incident with Eren in that ridiculous club.

                Why had he agreed to accompany Hanji to a bar, of all things?

                What part of him had thought that was even remotely a good idea?

                Had he stayed home to watch reruns of bad reality TV like he had intended, he would have never run into the brat and drunkenly thrown himself in his lap.

                Although he wasn’t entirely to blame, considering Eren had been the one to willingly follow him, Levi’s brain had a way of ganging up on him and convincing him everything wrong with the world was entirely his fault.

                And, so, he always resorted to cleaning when his brain would not shut down and stop screaming at him.

                However, this time around, cleaning wasn’t helping as much as he’d like.

                He supposed the spot in the sink was to blame. No amount of scrubbing or cursing or glaring could remove the damn thing.

                Resolutely spinning on his heel, Levi stomped into his kitchen and ducked into the cupboards beneath the sink. He rifled through container upon container of cleaning product, most of them practically empty or yet-to-be-opened, until he found the CLR. Nothing like heavy-duty cleaning products to get rid of stubborn stains.

                Levi found himself wondering if Eren was freaking out as badly as he was.

                They hadn’t spoken since the incident, mostly because Levi was a giant freak and couldn’t even bring himself to look at the kid the next day when he ordered his usual tea at the shop. He had been so much of a coward, in fact, that he had slunk back to his corner seat and sulked. He was worried—if he stared at the brat and his too green eyes for too long, he wasn’t sure what he would do. And, God help him, if the kid pouted at him like he had as soon as he answered his goddamned stupid phone in the club, Levi didn’t think he’d be able to stop himself from kissing that glorious pout right off his pretty, pink lips.

                God, he was so far gone on a kid who was more than likely too young for him.

                Levi groaned and fell back on his tailbone, belatedly recognizing the stinging pain which shot through his spine upon his ass connecting with the floor. He thought he might have flinched away from the contact but his mind was too wrapped up in thoughts of tan skin, green eyes, and bright smiles to do anything but remain seated on the tiles, staring up at his ceiling.

                “What is wrong with me?” he grumbled into the quiet of his apartment.

                His fridge kicked to life, humming into the silence, sounding more like a friend pondering his question than a stupid fridge keeping the food within cool.

                Levi shot a glare at the appliance as if it offended him.

                Remembering the bottle of CLR in his hands, he stared at the grey container for a moment before pushing to his feet, wincing again as every bone in his body protested the movement. He hadn’t slept in a while, nor had he taken any time to kick back on his comfy sofa, and all the activity was taking its toll on his body. He was exhausted, sure, but nothing could override his panic caused by Eren Jaeger and his obvious attraction to the kid.

                God, seriously, what was _wrong with him?_

                Levi shuffled off to the bathroom again, CLR in hand this time as none of his other cleaning products were getting the job done. Upon sealing the drain with the plunger nestled between the hot and cold knobs, Levi poured a healthy amount of CLR into the basin. The toxic green liquid splashed about the white marble for a few seconds before stilling. Levi watched as bubbles, filled with rust particles, floated free of the liquids onslaught.

                Levi wished there was CLR for the unbidden thoughts within his brain.

                He would like nothing more than to erase Eren Jaeger from his mind. And his life.

                Everything would be so much easier without the green-eyed menace around. If Eren were not around, he wouldn’t have any qualms about his odd but familiar relationship with Erwin. He would be able to go to Café Maria every day without feeling a strange jolt in his chest upon realizing he would be seeing a certain tanned barista. He would still be able to draw people who didn’t always look suspiciously like Eren upon completing his work. And he wouldn’t have spent three days cleaning his small apartment in an attempt to calm down and get his shit together.

                Levi unplugged the sink and watched the green liquid swirl down the drain. He ran the cold water and began to scrub at the rust with a renewed vigour. The wires of the steel wool brush he used bit into the flesh of his fingers but he paid the pain no attention.

                Fuck Eren Jaeger.

                Seriously, fuck him, Levi wanted nothing to do with him any longer. The kid was playing with his head. Everything was already complicated enough without the kid messing with his thoughts.

                Levi let out a pained noise and scrubbed more, until his fingers ached and his wrists felt broken and his shoulders burned from over-exertion.

                And still the stain remained.

                Levi felt a familiar rise of panic travel from his stomach up to his throat. He suddenly couldn’t breathe—his airways were lodged. The room spun around him, his head throbbed, and his hands dragged his shirt away from his chest as if the thin material was the reason he felt as though his chest was collapsing. Stomach churning and lungs aching, Levi slid to the floor. Tucking his head between his bent knees, he struggled for breath.

                He hadn’t had a panic attack in _so long_.

                “Levi,” he gasped at himself, in between stuttered breaths. He shouldn’t talk, he knows he shouldn’t, he’s barely getting enough air— “Levi, get . . . your . . . fucking shit . . . together.”

                Of course, that demand didn’t help at all. He sounded broken, weak, and powerless to his own ears.

                Blood pounded through his temples, kicking up a painful beat that he could normally soothe away with patient motions of his fingers. However, his hands were preoccupied with trying to get the invisible weight off his chest. He was vaguely aware that he was shivering—so flooded with panic and nausea was he that he simply couldn’t control his muscles anymore.

                A sob broke free from his throat and suddenly he was crying. Or at least he thought he was. His eyes were shut tight .against the pain filtering through every inch of his body. His heart felt like it was shrivelling up in his chest and with the pit in his stomach, he was certain he would never be able to eat again. His lungs were burning, straining with effort to fill with air he just couldn’t seem to drag in through the constriction of his throat.

                “Levi?” called a voice.

                Hanji. “Hanji?” he gasped out, his voice too raw, too raspy. “Wha . . .?”

                He was holding a phone. His phone. Holding it to his ear.

                When had he dialed Hanji? When had he pulled his phone out of his pocket?

                “Woah, you okay, Levi?” Concern was evident in her tone. Instead of her concern soothing him as it normally would, it made Levi’s insides twist painfully. He must have made some noise that indicated he was, in fact, _not_ okay, as the next moment, Hanji was saying, “Levi, just hang on, I’ll be there in five minutes, okay?”

                Levi couldn’t say anything. He was hyperventilating. And into the phone, too. He knew Hanji could hear it, knew she was cooing words meant to comfort him, yet he couldn’t calm down, couldn’t seem to stop.

                The room spun once and he teetered to the side. The cool linoleum flooring met his cheek and he curled in on himself, his arms wrapping around his frame in an attempt to ward off the suddenly too-cold air of the bathroom. Was it always this cold in his home? And what was that god awful noise?

                _Oh. That’s me,_ Levi thought, somewhat detached.

                That god awful noise was his own horrible sobbing. He clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes still remaining resolutely shut, and his chest heaving with the force of his own anguished cries.

                His cellphone, once held in his free hand, now clattered to the ground. Despite the fall not being far at all, the thing still popped open and the battery fell out, effectively killing the traitor of a machine. At least Hanji wasn’t on the line anymore now that the thing was dead. At least she couldn’t hear his whole world falling apart.

                Levi didn’t know how long he laid on his floor, curled into a ball and a hand held over his mouth, but eventually he heard the door creak open. He cursed himself for ever giving Hanji a spare key because as soon as the door was out of her way, she was fluttering into the bathroom, a whirlwind of careful hands and warm blankets.

                She helped Levi sit up, concern etched all over her face as she wrapped blankets stolen from his couch around his still-shaking shoulders. He watched as Hanji yanked up the sleeves of his sweater, checking for any lacerations along his arms because she knows that’s what he used to do when he couldn’t breathe. The pain helped him remember he was alive, he could bleed, he was still human.

                “What did you do to your hands?” Hanji asked, and Levi felt slightly confused by the question because if he had done _anything_ to his hands, he couldn’t remember.

                Hanji recognized his confusion and the next moment her eyes flitted around the room. Her gaze hesitated for a brief moment on the wire brush, resting precariously on the edge of the sink, before continuing along. Upon spotting the bottle of CLR, her gaze halted and narrowed.

                _Oh, God_. The bottle had toppled as Levi had, its contents emptied across the tiles. Levi was lying in it. Feeling rushed back into his body and he quickly noticed his right side was itchy, burning, likely covered in hives, his clothing damp and his hands aching something fierce.

                “F-f-forgot gloves,” he ground out between the chatter of his teeth. God, he was freaking out even more now. How could he forget gloves while cleaning? How did he spill the bottle? He hadn’t been this careless in _years_. Not since before Erwin helped Levi get back on his feet.

                Hanji gifted him with a sympathetic look. Normally he would tell her to wipe the look off her face—but in that moment, he was too tired, too itchy, and he felt twice his age. He couldn’t find it in him to complain.

                “Can you stand or do I need to carry you?” Hanji asked, no hint of teasing in her voice.

                Levi simply stared at her in response as if he didn’t understand her question. Hanji judged by the glazed look of confusion on his face that he probably didn’t have complete control over his body just yet. He needed a fresh change of clothes, probably a shower, and most definitely a long nap.

                “Can you handle a shower on your own?” Hanji asked instead. When she received a nod in response, she helped Levi to his feet before steering him into the shower. Having seen Levi naked before—best friends, after all—she helped the man disrobe and then went about the task of twisting the nozzle of the shower until the water flowed lukewarm. Warm enough to wash off the chemicals yet not too hot that it would burn his skin. When Levi began cleaning himself with his body wash and Hanji was certain he was a bit more perceptive, Hanji said, “I’m gonna clean up the bathroom floor.”

                Levi nodded, staring down at the tiles of his shower floor, obscured by running water and soapy bubbles, rather than meeting Hanji’s concerned, pitying gaze. He could feel his cheeks staining pink with a blush. Levi wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed over calling Hanji for help or if he was flushed from the force of his tears.

                After Levi felt rubbed raw, skin glowing red and pleasantly aching, he padded out of the now-sparkling bathroom to his bedroom. Hanji was busy pulling back the sheets of his bed, likely planning to tuck him in and maybe stay the night, if he asked. He slid into the softest pair of sweat pants he could find and a sweater that was two sizes too big but smelled just enough like his lavender-scented laundry detergent to sooth him. He stuck his nose in the neck hole of the sweater and breathed in the fresh scent, if only to further clear his mind.

                Placated for the moment, Levi withdrew from the confines of his sweater to slip away into his next reprieve: his big, pillow-cluttered, downy-soft bed.

                Hanji smiled at him as he pulled the sheets up to his nose, his grey eyes just peeking at her over the seams. She hopped up on the unoccupied side, sliding closer to sit cross-legged on top of the comforter, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands laced together in her lap.

                “I won’t ask you to tell me about it,” she said. Her tone hinted there was more she wanted to say yet didn’t know how to continue.

                “But?” he prodded, even though he didn’t want her to finish her thought, didn’t want her to delve into his problems like he knew she would with the proper prompting.

                She reached out and smoothed a hand over his hair, a gesture she had done when they were in high school together and still hadn’t grown out of, no matter how many years Levi had spent grumbling about the casual touch. In that moment, the motion was familiar and comforting, relaxing Levi’s tense limbs enough to snuggle into his bed further.

                “Levi, you really have a lot to reassess.” Hanji didn’t suggest he talk, didn’t even attempt to pry. Somehow, her statement had him going stalk still again, eyes widening as shock and dread chilled his blood, sent tremors down his spine, and raised the hairs on the back of his neck. He clutched the edge of his comforter tight enough to feel his nails bite crescents into his palms through the thick fabric.

                “What?” he breathed, certain he wasn’t getting enough air in his lungs yet again. He couldn’t think of anything else to say—no rebuttals, no snapping remarks.

                “You haven’t been happy for a long time,” she said softly, quietly, her hand back in his hair as she recognized his panic. “I think it’s time you focus on what _you_ want, rather than what other people want from you.”

                She was so obviously wagging an accusing finger Erwin’s way.

                Levi found himself thinking that maybe she was right.

                He didn’t really want to think about it but Hanji had a way of seeing right through him, finding all the ugly thoughts he kept trapped away in the dark corners of his mind. She had a way of pulling to the surface all the things in his life that made him forget how to function, how to operate _without_ running short of breath or getting dizzy or breaking down.

                Levi wondered if some subconscious part of himself was aware of how _right_ Hanji always was and that’s why he ended up phoning her when he could have suffered alone like he usually did. Perhaps she was right and it was time something changed.

                That’s why, in the safety of his room, where all was quiet save for the roar of his own heartbeat and Hanji’s soft breathing, he whispered out, “Yeah, okay,” and relaxed once again. There was no lifting of a weight off his shoulders, and his pulse didn’t slow to a calm pace, but he did feel a little bit lighter knowing he had a task for the morning.

                He would think on her words. He would come to a conclusion.

                And he would work on finding happiness for himself.

               


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No hard feelings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm . . . *peeks out from nest of blankets* Hi, guys and gals *smothers you with love*. Sorry it's been, like, years. 
> 
> Anyways! Lots of stuff going on in this chapter. I hope you enjoy!

                Eren was going out of his mind. Standing behind the bar of the coffee shop, in his thickest and most obnoxious pink sweater, complete with a dripping nose, he felt as ridiculous as he probably looked. As he pressed a wadded tissue against his nose, his eyes watering from the force of a coughing fit recently ended, he glanced across the room to Levi’s table.

                Levi’s table. The short raven wasn’t even present and Eren still thought of the table as Levi’s, no one else’s.

                “Staring won’t make him turn up any sooner,” Jean drawled from where he was hunched over the counter near the espresso machine, flipping idly through a magazine. He looked incredibly bored, his lids lowered in a sleepy manner and his cheek pushed up from where it rested against his propped up fist.

                “Shut it, Jean,” Eren grumbled, though his throat was so dry speaking led to another coughing fit.

                “Gross,” Jean exclaimed, his nose wrinkled as he leaned away from Eren. Eren stared miserably at him through a fresh wave of pained tears. “Why are you here if you’re still sick?”

                Eren sighed into his tissue, because he was nice like that, and Jean would have been even more of a dick if Eren had blown germs his way. “I’ve already taken three days off. I couldn’t take another.”

                “Bullshit. Erwin will flip when he sees you like this.”

                “What will I flip over?”

                Erwin’s voice from behind Eren startled him so violently he was yet again forced into another coughing fit. Erwin leaned in the doorway between the counter and the back room, one perfect eyebrow arched as he took in Eren’s slouched, shivering form. He looked good enough to eat, as per usual, making Eren feel even worse about himself.

                Around a sniffle and a grimace, Eren muttered, “I’m still sick.”

                Jean snorted, standing at attention now that his boss was present. Eren noticed Jean had purposely leaned back against the counter to hide his magazine from view. “Sick is an understatement. You’re going to hack up a lung sooner or later.”

                Eren glared at him, swallowing viciously around a phlegm bubble lodged in his throat.

                “You could have called in sick again. Though I would have docked your pay. You’ve used up all your sick days.” Erwin said it without a hint of remorse, causing the young man’s scowl to deepen.

                “I know. I’m sorry, I’m sure it’ll go away soon.” His throat was so scratchy he could barely make sense of his own sentence.

                Eren waited for another reprimand, maybe one advising he should bring along a super-sized bottle of hand sanitizer and a crate-full of tissues from Erwin, but when Erwin remained silent, Eren glanced up from his feet.  Eren noted his boss wasn’t even looking at him, instead looking over Eren’s shoulder with a clouded expression on his face.

                “You look like shit.”

                Eren nearly groaned aloud in distress. Not only had his boss snuck up on him (per usual), effectively scaring the living daylights out of him, Levi was now present to torment his dick and be disgusted by his state of illness.

                Dreading this encounter since the morning when he woke up and decided he _needed_ to go to work if he wanted to make enough money for rent this month, Eren turned around slowly, as if a gun were trained on him. Eren felt like someone had thrown a punch to his gut when his gaze landed on Levi. The smaller man looked too damn _good_ , dressed as he was in too-tight light wash jeans and a black tee with a near obscene deep v to the collar. Over his t-shirt was a black leather jacket, the same colour as his midnight hair which was neat and shiny as always. His grey eyes were as sharp as ever, seeing right through Eren, tearing his being in two the longer they held each other’s gaze.

                Eren swallowed thickly, his nose running afresh, and hastened for his tissue to, again, wipe at his face. “Charming, as ever,” Eren replied shakily, for lack of anything better to say. After all, the last time they had seen each other, Eren had been pressed against him in a bathroom stall, ready to trade blowjobs or offer his ass up for what would have likely been an _amazing_ fuck.

                And really, did Levi get off on laying down shitty greetings and annoying insults?

                Levi’s mouth twitched in irritation, likely sensing Eren’s immediately hostile mood, and he crossed his arms in front of him, as if that could shield him from the negativity rolling off the brunet in waves. He proceeded to slip onto the barstool Eren had mentally dubbed “Levi’s” as if he hadn’t been avoiding that seat like the plague the last time Eren had seen him.

                “Where the fuck have you been?” Levi asked, instead of asking if Eren was perhaps breathing okay. Looking down at himself and how shitty he looked, Eren thought it was pretty obvious as to where he had been.

                “I’ve been sick. Duh.”

                Levi’s eyebrows shot up at Eren’s attitude. Though he opened his mouth to speak further, Erwin interrupted him.

                “It’s good to see you, Levi. I was wondering where you had gotten to.”

                Eren felt his brows furrow in confusion. Had Levi not been visiting every day like usual?

                Levi’s eyes narrowed, his mouth twisting into a disgruntled ( _cute,_ Eren’s brain supplied) moue. “Did Hanji talk to you?”

                Eren didn’t look back but he assumed Erwin had shrugged or nodded since his boss didn’t reply verbally. Levi’s response to whatever gesture Erwin had made was a roll of his eyes and a heavy sigh through his nose.

                “I shouldn’t be surprised. Shitty four eyes can’t keep anything a damned secret.”

                “Will you come into my office with me?” Erwin asked.

                Eren felt his spine go rigid and his mouth curl downward. He quickly tried to cover his reaction, well aware Levi wasn’t his to get upset over. Was he jealous Erwin still had sway over Levi? Yes. Could he do anything about it? Not likely. Levi seemed incredibly indifferent to Eren today, even with his brash questioning of Eren’s whereabouts. Looking at Levi now, and his gaze locked on Erwin over Eren’s shoulder, Eren knew the man wouldn’t let go of someone as good and well-off as the tall blond. Not only was Erwin Greek God-esque, he was seemingly intelligent and successful. His presence demanded attention and Eren imagined he must be great in bed, too, something Eren thought Levi might appreciate. Seeing as Levi was already overly sexual in nature, Eren didn’t really have that going for him. Plus, Eren was some broke college kid who worked at a coffee shop to cover his student debt and his rent.

                Eren’s own self-deprecating thoughts were causing tears to sting at the corners of his eyes. At least he could blame that on being too ill to control his tear ducts.

                “What do you want?” Levi asked instead of following after Erwin like Eren had expected.

                Judging by the stunned silence which followed Levi’s question, Erwin hadn’t expected it either. That cheered Eren up slightly.

                “I’d like to go over a few things for redecorating the place. Also, I thought you could help me come up with ideas for decorative cakes, since you’re so artistic.”

                Levi barely batted an eyelash at the blatant lie. “If you wanna talk business, we can do it out here. I’m sure your employees will have some good ideas to contribute.”

                Even Jean shifted uncomfortably in the charged silence after that statement. Eren had never seen Levi so adamant about avoiding alone time with Erwin. Eren looked closer at the raven, squinting as he tilted his head, as if whatever change had happened in Levi over the course of three days was something Eren could visibly see if he stared hard enough.

                Why was he suddenly being so hostile and distant with Erwin? Why did he seem so unaffected by Erwin’s mere presence?

                Eren thought back to their little rendezvous in the bathroom. He thought of how Levi had looked at him like Eren was the only person in the world, how he had kissed like he was starving for it, how Eren’s touch had had Levi pressing back against him and giving just as good as he got. He thought of the phone call, and how Levi had been distracted enough by Eren to keep touching him, even while on the phone with his boyfriend.

                Eren couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps there was trouble in paradise.

                He also wondered if it was his fault or if this rift had been a long time coming.

                “Right,” Erwin said after a long moment, sounding as shell-shocked as Eren had ever heard him. “Erm, let me grab my notes and we can grab a table.”

                Levi didn’t say anything, instead turning his attention back to Eren as the brunet heard Erwin’s footsteps retreat into the back room. Eren wasn’t certain what expression he had, but whatever it was, it caused Levi to smirk like a cat who had gotten the cream. Eren blinked at him a few times, then tilted his head in an unspoken question.

                Levi shrugged in response.

                Eren didn’t know what had just been silently communicated.

                “So, like I mentioned earlier, you look like shit,” Levi muttered, leaning forward as he rested his elbows against the countertop. “Why are you here?”

                Jean snickered. “He has a sick sense of duty. Like, he’s worried he won’t get paid if he stays home again.”

                Eren glanced toward the other boy, his eyes narrowed. “But I _will_ get docked pay if I had stayed home. Erwin said so.” Eren took a moment to fish a fresh tissue out of the pocket of his joggers, blowing his nose noisily for a brief moment.

                Levi was making a disgusted face at him, though his eyes held some soft emotion Eren couldn’t put a name to. “Gross,” was Levi’s only remark.

                Eren sighed. “That’s the third time I’ve been called that today. You guys are really stomping on my ego.”

                “I only called you that once!” Jean squawked.

                “I have a sister who has no qualms about calling me names,” Eren grumbled, again dabbing at his face. His tissue was soggy, indicating he’d have to throw it out if he even wanted to contemplate getting better. Stumbling over to the garbage can, back turned away from Levi and Jean, resulted in a startled guffaw from Levi.

                “Do your pants literally say ‘juicy’ across your ass?” It was the first time Eren heard Levi struggle to speak through smothered laughter. Eren sighed and dawdled back to the counter, settling his weight against it as he took in the breath taking sight of Levi teary-eyed from laughter, his hand covering a wide smile, and his cheeks pink with amusement.

                Had Eren not already been head-over-heels for Levi, that one sight of a content Levi would have done him in. Regardless, his heart warmed at the sight, despite the bruise it still carried from Levi’s obvious unavailability.

                “Looks like someone was staring at my ass,” was the only thing Eren said in response, deadpan.  Eren figured perhaps he shouldn't have said such a thing, but if Levi had been upset, Eren was certain he would have received a slap across the face.

                Levi let out an adorable snort before his laughter died out. Eren thought he may be attempting dramatics with the way the raven swiped at invisible tears on his cheeks. “That is too funny. Should I be worried about a potential career in stripping?”

                Eren titled his chin up, adamant. “I’d make a hot stripper.”

                The humour suddenly died in the room. Instead, Levi’s gaze narrowed to a point on Eren, his pupils dilating and his lips quirking in an undoubtedly salacious smile. “I don’t think so,” Levi said, but his expression and blatant one-over of Eren’s body said otherwise.

                Erwin’s presence was announced this time with heavy footfalls carrying out of the back room and into the counter area. “Ready, Levi?” he asked, walking into the dining area and heading towards an unoccupied table. Considering the café was practically dead, he had many tables to choose from and of course chose the one farthest from the baristas.

                “Lemme get a tea,” Levi called over his shoulder, hot gaze still trained on Eren.

                “The usual?” Eren asked, voice tight for reasons other than his sickness. If Levi kept staring at him like that, he would have a rather unfortunate boner.

                “I’ll make it,” Jean stated, pushing away from the counter and heading for the tea section. “Eren’s too sick to do fuck all.”

                Eren looked away from Levi to frown at Jean. “Hey, I’m useful.”

                “Not today,” he fired back without turning away from the hot water he was pouring into a large cup.

                Eren huffed, indignant, but didn’t argue the point. Perhaps Jean was right. He felt pretty useless today. Not only was he running on very little sleep, he was certain he still had a fever and his nose felt like a broken faucet. He was upset over the fact that Levi had been gone and yet had chosen that day to come back. Eren couldn’t even look good for their reunion of sorts. However, when Eren glanced back over at the raven, the way Levi was still looking at him claimed Eren could be in his rattiest clothes and Levi would still find him attractive, for some strange reason.

                The thought made his heart flutter unnecessarily.

                Eren had to once again remind himself Levi had a boyfriend and his boyfriend was sitting in a booth across the way, staring at Levi like he was a special kind of dessert. Eren also had to remind himself that Levi’s boyfriend was his boss and thinking anything inappropriate about Levi would likely lead to him losing his job.  Being fired would likely be a way for Erwin to state his displeasure without actually talking about it and to keep Eren away from his territory.

                In the next moment when Eren blinked himself out of his thoughts, Jean was sliding Levi his tea, Levi was giving Eren a look Eren couldn’t decipher, and then the raven was turning away, walking to the table Erwin sat at, practically shaking his ass in Eren’s face with the way his hips swung.

                Eren had to bite back a groan as he remembered what that ass had felt like rolling back against his crotch.

                Eren decided, right then and there, that being around Levi had officially become dangerous. He knew what the smaller man felt like in his arms. He knew how Levi kissed like he would die without the hot, wet touch of lips to lips. He knew what Levi sounded like when he moaned. He knew how Levi’s body felt against his own. He knew what Levi’s hands could do with simple strokes along Eren’s body. He knew how soft Levi’s hair was when his head was cradled in the brunet’s hands.

                Seeing Levi and Erwin sitting across each other at a booth, heads bowed close together as Erwin’s fingers glided along designs sketched in his notepad, sent a bolt of jealousy straight to Eren’s heart. It made him ache, it made him angry, it made his skin crawl. When Erwin reached out the tuck a pencil softly behind Levi’s ear, and Levi made no move to lean away from the careful touch, Eren knew he wouldn’t be able to sit there comfortably and watch. There weren’t enough customers to distract him from the perfect image Levi and Erwin made together.

                Stomach twisting uncomfortably, Eren barely gave Jean notice before he sprinted into the break room and out the back door.

                For the first time in years, Eren trudged to the corner store nearby and bought a pack of smokes. Sitting on the back stoop of the café feeling sorry for himself resulted in a depletion of half the pack before he gained the courage to go back inside.

                To his surprise, he was relieved to find Levi gone. Erwin sat alone at the table, staring thoughtfully down at his notebook. When he heard Eren enter the shop again, he glanced up, his eyes flashing with what looked like anger before a smooth mask slid over his face.

                Eren felt sick, not because he had a fever or because he had been throwing up the past three days non-stop, but because he didn’t know what the look Erwin had given him meant. He really didn’t know what anything meant anymore.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

                _Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

                Levi shoots a glare at the clock hanging above the doorway of Erwin’s office. He’s been sitting in the uncomfortable chair directly opposite Erwin’s own plush one behind his big, shiny desk for much too long. His ass hurts so he wiggles on the creaky plastic of the chair, trying to find a comfortable place to rest, but quickly stills as he already resigned himself to an uncomfortable fate minutes ago. Erwin was supposed to meet him over half an hour ago—of course he would be late.

                Levi supposes Erwin’s tardiness is not entirely the taller man’s fault. Levi had made the mistake of using the clichéd phrase, “We need to talk,” and if Erwin’s beat of silence on the phone hadn’t been enough to have Levi regretting the words instantly, the torturous chair he was now sitting within certainly was.

                _Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

                And that goddamned _clock_. How could Erwin stand it? The shop was so quiet this early in the morning, only Jean’s fumbling with cups heard in the distant store front, and the clock was driving Levi mental.

                _Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

                “Oh, for fuck sake.” Levi hopped to his feet and stormed over to the doorway, dragging the chair behind him. The squeal of the metal legs scraping along the linoleum was a reprieve from the blasted ticking.

                Of course, as luck would have it, as soon as Levi planted both feet on the chair and was stretching to his toes to reach the clock, his midriff catching a chill as his shirt lifted with his arms, Erwin chose that moment to appear in the doorway. Levi startled, his hands twitching so terribly the clock flew from his hands and smashed to the ground several feet away. Levi’s cursing nearly drowned out the shattering of the fragile time-keeper.

                From atop his perch on the chair, he stared down at Erwin, not so much as sparing the broken clock a single glance. For all he knew, the clock deserved its fate. He was much more concerned with the man in question standing before him. Though Levi’s face remained impassive, he had no way of knowing if the fear he felt could be seen in his eyes. And Erwin, whom he expected to look upset with the lack of ticking issuing from the broken clock, simply raised his eyebrows at Levi, amusement in his gaze.

                So, Erwin didn’t look concerned, nor worried, nor hesitant to speak with Levi.

                “Hi,” Levi said after a moment, shocked to find his voice squeaked. He cleared his throat, brows furrowing in embarrassment.

                “What did the clock ever do to you?” Erwin teased as he held out a hand to help Levi off the chair.

                Levi ignored the offered hand and clambered off the chair. After brushing down invisible specks of dirt his shoes could have left on the plastic, he returned the chair to its original place before Erwin’s desk but didn’t take a seat. His ass was only now regaining feeling and the pins and needles racing beneath his skin were none too pleasant. “It was ticking,” Levi replied, as if that explained everything.

                And perhaps it did, because Erwin didn’t ask further, simply stepped behind his desk, hung his coat on the back of his chair, and then rolled it out to take a seat. He placed his elbows on the arm rests and steepled his fingers before his chin. He resembled a fine dressed mafia boss—Levi almost cracked a grin at the ridiculous image.

                “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting long,” Erwin said. His blasé tone implied he knew Levi had been waiting and wasn’t sorry about it.

                Levi barely kept himself from rolling his eyes. “Of course not,” he lied, because it was the generous thing to do considering why he was here and everything Erwin had done for him.

                “Take a seat,” Erwin insisted, waving a hand at Levi’s abandoned chair.

                “I’ll sit when I’m dead. Your chairs suck ass.”

                Erwin arched an eyebrow at the comment but didn’t tell him to sit again so Levi considered it a victory.

                “I came here to discuss debt.” Levi wasn’t one to beat around the bush and he knew if he didn’t start talking, Erwin would avoid asking. Because he was nice and never pushed Levi to talk. Ever.

                “Debt? What trouble have you gotten yourself into?” Though Levi knew Erwin didn’t mean it to sound harsh, he flinched anyway. After his panic attack the other day, he couldn’t help wondering how much Hanji had told Erwin of that day. For all Levi knew, Erwin could be assuming that Levi had gone back to drugs or street fights instead of suffering panic attacks over the men in his life. Levi schooled his face into an impassive mask, refusing to let Erwin see how his harmless question had affected Levi.

                “Did Hanji—” Levi began to ask but, upon the inquisitive tilt of Erwin’s head, stopped himself. Crossing his arms across his chest, he muttered, “Nevermind. I didn’t get into any kind of trouble. I just want to know how much my medical bills were all those years ago.”

                Erwin’s eyes narrowed and his lips pursed. His blue eyes were so cold, so piercing—were Levi a weaker man, he was certain he would have dropped to the ground and begged forgiveness under such a gaze. Instead, Levi tipped up his chin and stared down his nose at Erwin, letting the man look at him without revealing anything about why, exactly, he was asking. “It was close to two hundred.”

                “Two hundred dollars?” Levi asked, his surprise evident in his voice.

                “Two hundred thousand.”

                Were Levi to retain even an ounce of a tan, he was certain he would have visibly paled. He tucked his chin close to his chest and sucked in his bottom lip, losing all semblance of bravery with those words. His shoulders hunched in slightly before he asked, “Why would you ever spend that much on a stranger?”

                Erwin shrugged a shoulder. “That’s the amount that accumulated over the years. At first, I only helped because you were bleeding out in an alleyway. Then you became a friend and I can’t leave a friend to suffer.”

                Levi clucked his tongue once. “A friend. I don’t see you helping Hanji with medical expenses. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

                Erwin was watching him carefully as if Levi were little more than a caged animal, hostile and ready to strike at any moment. “Levi, when I first helped you, it was because I couldn’t live with myself knowing I let another man die when I could have helped. And then, when you showed up on my doorstep, claiming to have followed me home, and delirious out of your mind on whatever drug had been shoved into your system, I had to help then, too, because it was the right thing to do.

                “You’re a good man, Levi. You deserve to be saved. You deserve to have a chance at living.”

                “I was living fine before,” Levi spat, even though he knows that’s not true. He can’t remember most of his life on the streets. He had either been too doped up at the time or beaten into a stupor. He remembers being numb with pain on the days he sold himself to get money for drugs, and he remembers the bite of knives cutting into his flesh, but he doesn’t remember much else. He doesn’t remember being cold, he doesn’t remember the ground being a terrible place of rest, and he doesn’t remember the feeling of his stomach being so empty he was certain it would eat itself.

                He does remember lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood with Erwin standing over him, those blue, blue eyes staring down at him as if he was something worth taking care of.

                Levi looks away from Erwin, suddenly finding it difficult to look at those same eyes he remembers so distantly from years ago. When Erwin had saved him, Levi had been an entirely different man.

                 _I hadn't even been_ _a man_ , Levi reminds himself. He had been but a boy, a teenager who couldn’t remember his parents, lived on the streets, and fucked anyone who would hand him money so he could buy powders that put him under for a long while so he didn’t have to face reality.

                And now he was a man who had his own home, his own car, and received money from his career as a growing artist and his office job at a call centre. A man who couldn’t escape the man who saved him or the reminders of his less than pleasant past. A man who still, apparently, suffered from panic attacks and had once self-harmed to remind himself he didn’t need drugs anymore, he didn’t need to sell himself anymore, he had become a part of a society that had once seemed on an entirely different plain above him.

                “I’m going to pay you back for my hospital bills,” Levi said, voice firm and resolved despite the quaking of his insides. He felt rubbed raw, fragile, terrified. He wasn’t certain how he would stumble across two hundred thousand dollars but he would find a way. He would pay Erwin back so at least he didn’t owe him that anymore. And he would find a way to repay his kindness, too. A way that wasn’t through giving the man his body and pretending to love him.

                He just hoped Erwin would let him go.

                Levi’s whole body felt like it was vibrating. His nerves were getting the best of him. Erwin wasn’t a mean man but he was fiercely territorial and extremely difficult to say no to. Levi had no idea how to voice his thoughts—he had never once considered breaking off this _thing_ he had with Erwin, and every speech he had mentally prepared the night before had fled his mind. He was left with a blank slate and an unhelpful ball of anxiety low in his stomach, coiling tighter and tighter, preparing to snap him into _another_ panic attack.

                _Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

                Levi twitched at the phantom ticking of a clock.

                He was losing it.

                He was _finally_ losing it.

                “Levi?” Erwin called, breaking the raven out of his thoughts.

                Levi snapped back into the present with a visible flinch. He blinked once, twice, before he was able to focus on Erwin who was now standing before him, hands hovering on either side of his shoulders like he wanted to touch to comfort but wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. His blue eyes, normally so cold and unexpressive, were now flooded with concern, turning them the pretty colour of a clear lake on a sunny day. Levi felt a pang somewhere in his heart—Erwin was so beautiful and he was throwing this away.

                _But Eren’s beautiful, too_ , his brain supplied. _And he likes you for you. He’s a bumbling, clumsy idiot, but he likes you._

                _I like him, too,_ Levi thought back to himself with a resolute nod of his head.

                Erwin took the nod as consent to place his hands on Levi.

                The raven frowned but didn’t shake Erwin off.

                “What’s wrong?” Erwin asked with a curious tilt of his head. God, but that was endearing.

                _Stop being cute so I can break up with you_.

                “I wasn’t aware we were together,” Erwin said and, oh, God, _Levi had spoken his thoughts aloud._

                Levi slapped a hand over his eyes and hissed out a frustrated breath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—wait, what?”

                Levi peeked at the blonde from between the gaps of his fingers to find Erwin smiling kindly at him. “This is about Eren, isn’t it?” he asked, voice sad but not unkind.

                Levi’s hand fell to his side as he stared at Erwin in shock.

                Erwin sighed and leaned back against his desk, his own hands removing themselves from Levi’s shoulders to rest on either side of his hips. His posture was nonchalant but there was a stiffness to his shoulders that hinted at how he knew this conversation would happen but he hadn’t wanted it to. “I noticed the way that boy looks at you,” Erwin began softly. “And I see the way you look at him back when you think he’s not watching. You used to look at me that way, like he’s something you can’t figure out but you desperately want to. And you actually smile with him.” Erwin shrugged a shoulder, appearing awkward and uncertain as to what else to say.

                “Um,” Levi supplied, unhelpfully. He was reeling, shocked that he hadn’t really had to say much at all. Also shocked that Erwin paid attention and seemed to know everything Levi wasn’t able to voice himself. He knew he was affection of Eren but he hadn’t known it was so glaringly _obvious_.

                “I wanted to apologize, actually,” Erwin said, sheepish, and a hand scratching at the back of his neck.

                “Apologize?” Levi seemed unable to voice much more than that.

                “When you showed up at my house the other day. I called you over because I wanted to discuss what we have, um, going on here.” He waved the hand that had been behind his neck between Levi and himself. “I’m not really sure what we are— _were—_ but I know I care for you much more than you care for me.” Levi opened his mouth to rebut yet Erwin hurriedly continued. “Apologies, I care for you _differently_. I . . . haven’t said anything but I am very much in love with you, Levi Ackerman.”

                Levi pursed his lips, uncomfortable and not sure what to say. “I love you, too.”

                Erwin smiled sweetly, though there was a touch of sadness to it. “I know you do, but you don’t love me the same way I love you. If you did, I would have wined and dined you and then maybe asked for your hand in marriage.” Erwin chuckled while Levi fidgeted with the seam of his left pant leg. Erwin, noticing his discomfort, hastened to add, “And that’s okay. That you don’t feel the same as I do, I mean. I didn’t expect you to. Well, perhaps there was a time when you _did_ , but . . . I hadn’t felt the same at that time, admittedly.”

                “So you used me,” Levi said slowly, trying to process that thought. “In the beginning.”

                Erwin shrugged sheepishly. “If it makes saying goodbye to me easier to think of it that way, then yes. You were pretty, you still are, and you wanted to suck my cock.” Levi’s face flamed and he looked down to his hands in his lap despite the fact that Erwin had already seen him naked and in too many compromising positions to really embarrass Levi. “It was incredibly flattering.  If I hadn’t taken advantage of that, I would have been a fool. I still am for falling for you years after you got over me.”

                Levi wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he said nothing.

                “When you showed up that day, drunk on my doorstep, I was disappointed.” Levi opened his mouth—to apologize for being drunk or to state it wasn’t his fault Erwin had no self-control, he wasn’t sure—but Erwin held up a hand to stop him. “I was disappointed because I was ready to let you go, I thought. And then you threw your arms around me and you kissed me and then you pulled that stunt with prepping yourself . . .” Erwin drew a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if the memories were too much for him. After he regained his composure and his hand fell back down to his desk, he continued, “With all that, it made me realize I really wasn’t okay with letting you go.

                “But . . . I know you’re not as happy with me as you would be with Eren. And though it kills me to say it, because I’ve always been a bit of a selfish bastard, I can’t stop you from going after someone that would make you really happy.”

                Levi blinked up at Erwin, shocked by every word that had come out of his mouth. Levi felt crippling guilt settle on his shoulders. Erwin loved him and was okay with letting him go? Levi was certain he wouldn’t have been so selfless if, years ago when Levi still loved Erwin, he had been faced with the same predicament.

                “Just . . . promise me we can still be friends? Even though you’re a sour little fucker half the time, I do enjoy your company.” Erwin’s hopeful expression and teasing tone startled a chuckle out of Levi.

                “Yeah, we can still be friends. Besides, Hanji would go crazy if we didn’t have game nights together with her.”

                “Crazier than usual,” Erwin corrected with a wink that was _so_ out of character Levi knew confessing half the things Erwin had had been harder than the blond was letting on.

                Levi smiled softly, feeling a pang of sympathy for Erwin. Breaking up was hard, he knew, and he couldn’t imagine what it was like if you were in love with someone. Sure, he loved Erwin, but Erwin was right. Levi didn’t love Erwin the same way Erwin loved him. Levi couldn’t imagine moving into the blonde’s house or sharing his bed or making him breakfast or adopting kids with him. Levi wasn’t at the point where he could imagine domesticity with _anyone,_ and he may never get there, but he was willing to give it a try with Eren, because the kid was enthusiastic and fearless and strong and incredibly captivating.

                “Can I give you a hug?” Levi asked quietly, glancing down at his lap in embarrassment before he forced himself to meet Erwin’s gaze. Levi watched as Erwin tried to hold his smile—his lips wobbled for a few moments before his face crumpled and he covered his eyes with one large hand.

                Levi was on his feet in a heartbeat, wrapping his dearest friend in a hug as the taller man broke down in front of him. Erwin hugged him back just a tad too tightly but Levi didn’t complain. Erwin needed the comfort. Levi was certain the blond was getting snot in his hair, and he was sure he felt warm tears soaking his scalp, but he held his tongue on any remarks on how gross both those things were.

                “I’m so sorry you felt like you owed me,” Erwin said between sharp, gasping breaths and hiccups. “Honestly, you don’t owe me a thing. You made an old man feel alive again and you made me feel like I did something _right_ , something _good_. You’re not my charity case or anything, and I hope you know you really don’t owe me a thing, because if I could do it all over again, I would. You’re my best friend first, the man I fell in love with second. I wouldn’t change anything.”

                Levi nodded against Erwin’s chest and held him through a gut-wrenching sob. Levi felt mildly uncomfortable, not sure how to comfort Erwin. Normally, if Erwin was upset, a sure-fire way to cheer him up was for Levi to yank his pants down and present himself. Now, with the strange turn of events caused by Levi's undeniable attraction to Eren, Levi felt uncertain of himself in a way he hadn’t felt in years.

                His uncertainty wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

                Levi remembered what Hanji had said. _I deserve to have what I want,_ Levi reminded himself _._ If that meant he had to do a little self-discovery along the way, so be it.

                Erwin let out a long breath, dislodging the hairs atop Levi’s head this way and that. “Sorry about the water works. I’ll get over it eventually.”

                Levi nodded, leaning back slightly to look up at Erwin. He looked ugly when he cried—his eyes were red-rimmed and blood-shot, his cheeks were ruddy and streaked with translucent tear tracks, his nose with rosy and runny, and his lips pale as they quivered. Levi felt maybe he should be crying too, but he was only affected by guilt, not agony like Erwin.

                “I’ll need a few days,” Erwin began, reaching behind himself to snatch a tissue out of a box on his desktop, “but I’ll call you when I think I’m okay for game night or something.” He nodded sternly, as if silently indicating that he and Levi really would see each other again, without any sort of bad blood.

                Levi wasn’t certain he could trust Erwin’s words, but he could hope.

                “I understand,” Levi murmured quietly. “Take all the time you need.” He stepped away, out of Erwin’s space, though the man tightened his arms for a brief moment as if he didn’t want to let go. “I’m really sorry about this.”

                Erwin shook his head, eyes squinting as if he were about to begin a fresh wave of water works. “I understand. Better sooner rather than later, when you’ve already fallen in love with him, right?”

                Levi said nothing. There was nothing he _could_ say to a loaded sentence like that.

                Erwin blew out a shaky breath. “Alright. I’m going to take the rest of the day off. Jean can take care of the shop while I’m gone since Eren will be here soon.” Levi ignored the way Erwin tripped over Eren’s name, as if it physically pained him to mention the younger man. “I won’t call you for at least a week or two, okay?”

                Levi nodded solemnly, understanding at least that it would take probably more than two weeks for Erwin to call him without crying on the phone as soon as he heard Levi’s voice. Levi hadn’t expected him to be this heart-broken but he also hadn’t expected Erwin to be the one to figure out what was on Levi’s mind before the raven had even said anything. The fact that Erwin was letting go without a fight warmed Levi’s heart, made him feel like perhaps Eren was a good thing, and maybe, if things didn’t work out, Erwin would still have a spot in his heart for him if Levi could ever learn to love the blond back again.

                Levi shook those thoughts away. Just because he now knew Erwin was in love with him didn’t mean he could take advantage of the man’s affections down the road.

                “That’s okay.  I understand,” Levi repeated. After a moment of the two men staring at each other, one teary-eyed and hurting, the other uncomfortable yet stoic as ever, Levi muttered, “Please don’t take this out on Eren.”

                Erwin shook his head, appearing shocked Levi would even mention such a thing. “I won’t. He’s a good worker. I may be jealous that he captured your attention better than I could but . . .” Erwin’s mouth tilted in half a smile. “No hard feelings.”

                Levi nodded resolutely, feeling a bit lighter after that sentiment. “Well, head on home. Drive safe or take the bus if you need to. And, again, I’m—”

                “Please don’t say you’re sorry again. It’ll make this harder for me.”

                Levi pursed his lips and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his coat. Shoulders hunched, he gave a helpless shrug.

                Without any more preamble, Erwin grabbed his coat, slid it back on, patted Levi on the shoulder, and left without a glance back or a goodbye.

                Levi supposed a goodbye would have been redundant. He was certain they would see each other again, even if it took months or years to lead up to another meeting. Levi realized he had forgotten to mention he would pay back the medical bills Erwin had covered though Levi thought maybe Erwin knew that and that was what had made him realize Levi had felt indebted to him. While Erwin noticed Levi's inappropriate behaviour as hero worship once upon a time, he certainly knew it had become a burden for Levi recently.

                Feeling lighter than he had in months, Levi took a deep breath, blinked twice at Erwin’s empty office and the shattered clock, turned on his heel, and left to grab a tea from a certain green-eyed barista.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So what’s with you and Erwin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, yeah, yeah, things are happening!
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

                Levi did not, in fact, start pursuing his own happiness until several weeks after his break-up with Erwin.

                At first, he waited out of respect for Erwin. Every time Levi showed up at Café Maria, Erwin’s gaze followed after him as solemnly as if Levi had kicked his puppy. The lovelorn looks were enough to have Levi back off his casual flirtations with Eren. Levi even went so far as to retreat back to a table rather than sitting at the bar. He figured the distance between himself and Eren would encourage Erwin to move on faster.

                However, when Levi learned he was essentially letting his not-ex-boyfriend (he referred to Erwin that way considering they had never actually discussed being anything to each other) control his life, he quickly moved back to a barstool and resumed flirting with Eren to the point where the burnet would often retreat, embarrassed, to make a fresh pot of coffee, his skin flushed a pretty shade of pink Levi wouldn’t mind mapping out with hands and lips and teeth.

                When Levi took a moment to think about why he wasn’t asking Eren out on a date, he had been stumped for a few weeks. With the notion of Erwin’s fragility getting in the way being shoved quickly to the side, Levi hadn’t been certain why he was so hesitant. He liked flirting with the kid, mostly because Eren sputtered, turned red, and often shot confused glances Erwin’s way (the blonde was prone to eavesdropping), and he most certainly liked talking with Eren, even if Eren did manage to stick his foot in his mouth more often than not.

                It was late on a Friday evening, and Eren and Levi were alone in the café. Levi sat at the bar, sipping on a still too-hot cup of tea, his palm tingling where steam curled against it in a soft caress, and his ashen eyes following the jerky motions of Eren’s body as the younger man mopped the laminate floors.  Levi did not stare to ogle the kid's body (Eren's sweaters were too baggy for that, and the hem was always long enough to cover an ass Levi knew was worth staring at), he simply stared because he liked to look.  Eren was hos friend and perhaps one day could be more.

                Outside, passerby hurried along the sidewalks, hands tucked in pockets to ward off the increasingly cold night. Lights flickered on and off in apartment units littered beyond the commercial district the café sat within. Across the street, the local laundromat was occupied by a lone man leaning against a dryer, occupied by magazine in hand and music pumping into his ears via large headphones. Cars chugged by, no rush to be anywhere at such a late hour, and were few and far between. The city was quiet, sleepy, settling in or going out for the weekend.

                “So what’s with you and Erwin?” Eren asked, breaking Levi out of his thoughts. Dragging his gaze away from Headphone Boy in the laundromat, Levi stared at Eren’s back, noticing how the boy’s posture seemed much stiffer, his movements with the mop sloppier.

                “I’m not sure what you mean,” Levi replied honestly after a sip of tea. It was a green tea tonight—not his favourite choice, but the hints of grapefruit flavouring made his lips tingle and his belly warm.

                “Well, he’s been staring at you. A lot. And he keeps asking _me_ , of all people, how you’re doing.”

                Levi felt his own brows raise at the ridiculous thoughts associated with that last statement. Erwin, stooping so low so as to avoid speaking with Levi? Hadn’t Erwin said they could still be friends? And if the guy was asking for time apart, why was he constantly staring after Levi anyhow?

                “Sorry,” Levi says, for Erwin’s sake, though the glare Eren throws over his shoulder indicates the younger man doesn’t care for the apology. “We broke up. Not that we were dating to begin with, but I guess he doesn’t want to talk to me. Right now.” Levi scratched at an imagined itch on the bridge of his nose. “Or ever, I suppose.”  Though he didn't like to admit it, the thought of never speaking to Erwin again upset Levi.  They had always been friends first and perhaps if Levi hadn't screwed it up by convincing himself he needed to pay back Erwin with sex, they would have never found themselves in such an awkward situation.

                The mop fell from Eren’s hands with a clatter, the sound echoing around the domed ceiling of the small café. The younger man spun sharply on his heel to stare incredulously at Levi. “You broke up?!” He then squints, places his fists on his hips. “And what do you mean you weren’t dating?”

                Levi shrugs a shoulder. “I mean what I said. We weren’t dating. He came over to my place if he was lonely and wanted a fuck, I went over to his if he called or if I was drunk enough. That’s not a relationship, if you ask me.”

                Eren's tanned skin looks a tad too pale.  “You realize he’s been shooting you heart-eyes for the past, like, month, right?”

                “Yes.”

                “And you haven’t asked him to stop?”

                “No.”

                “Why not?!”

                “What’s the point?”

                Eren’s mouth falls open on a silent gasp, much to Levi’s amusement.

                The older man smirks and remarks, “Shut your mouth or flies with go in and shit on your tongue.”

                Eren’s mouth snaps shut as a glare twists his expression. “You are such an asshole.”

                Levi feels taken aback, though he shows no outward signs of being affronted. Sure, he’s an asshole, but he doesn’t know what he did in this instance to garner such an accusation. “What?”

                “You’ve been flirting with me nonstop, for weeks, and I was so concerned you two were still dating that I honestly thought you were going to be the reason I lost my job or Erwin stabbed me with a knife.”

                “He wouldn’t stab you.”

                “But he would fire me and I _need_ this job. Jesus, Levi, Erwin’s been on my case constantly and here I was, worried it was because he thought we were doing the dirty behind his back or somethin’, but it’s ‘cause you fuckin’ _broke his heart._ ” Eren takes a deep breath, looks to the Heavens, and places a hand over his heart, as if this revelation is a great relief to him. Which, thinking on it, Levi supposes it would be. He can see now why Eren would have been confused and greatly terrified. “Oh, thank fuck, he’s not gonna fire me.”

                Levi wasn’t sure he was supposed to hear that last mumbled bit.

                “Wait, so . . .” Eren gets a look on his face that Levi can’t decipher but instantly dreads. He feels a twisting in his gut, certain the next words that Eren blurts are likely going to have him running for the hills. “Does that mean you flirting with me makes me your . . . side-bitch? Your rebound?”

                Levi did not expect those words.

                Levi can’t help it. He bursts out laughing, his sides aching with the force of his guffaws. He has to clutch at his ribs to make sure his guts don’t burst out as he laughs stitches in his sides. After a long moment, he eventually finds his vocal chords aching and eyes stinging.  He manages to lower the raucous laughter to soft chuckles and wipes at the tears beading in his eyelashes.

                “Sorry, sorry,” he says, apologizing _again_ , at seeing the stricken look on Eren’s face. The poor kid looks like he saw a giant eat his mother. “Don’t cry, I’m not laughing _at_ you. I can’t believe you said ‘doing the dirty’ and ‘side-bitch’ all in one long monologue.” Levi chortles again into his fist, his lungs quivering after all the exertion.

                Staring at Eren, amusement and fondness clouding his view of the kid’s expression, Levi feels his heart give a stutter and realizes _oh, shit_. The reason he hasn’t been asking Eren on a date is because he genuinely likes the kid. And what if Eren realizes Levi’s just an artist who’s not good enough to make it his full time career and so he has to work a boring 9 to 5 desk job? What if Eren realizes he can get someone his own age who is probably more emotionally available and willing to gift him the moon and stars if Eren so much as insinuates that’s what he wants? What if Eren realizes Levi is just some dead-beat old guy who hasn’t had a real relationship in perhaps his whole life? What if Eren sees Levi as lesser than once Eren learns of Levi’s not-so-normal beginnings? Who would want to date a guy who had to steal and fight and fuck his way to a proper future?

                It was never Erwin who was the problem.

                Levi’s his own worst enemy. Levi is the one standing in the way of his own happiness.

                He realizes that perhaps his whole life he has always blamed others for his short-comings. His own lack of motivation to work enough to pay his medical bills was blamed on Erwin. Erwin, who spoiled him and paid out of pocket for him and, besides, Levi sucked Erwin’s cock once a day so why shouldn’t Erwin pay his bills. His self-destructive behaviour was thought to be a result of Hanji's tendency to baby him, ensuring he would never hurt himself so Levi thought he did it out of spite. His pain and his unapproachable personality was not something he could blame on his beginnings but on his inability to let the past go.

                Eren sighs, throws his mop aggressively into the water basin at his feet, and then begins to roll it into the back room, looking dejected and so forlorn that Levi’s so sorry he ever put that look on the kid’s face. Before Eren can leave the room, Levi finally chokes out, “Wait!”

                Eren stops, hand resting on the swinging door to push it open, but not stepping through, nor turning back around to face Levi. If the kid wasn’t so obvious, Levi wouldn’t notice Eren’s shoulders hunching up, waiting for a low-blow that would never come.

                “You need to eat,” Levi states, with a resolute nod of his head.

                Eren’s so shocked by the comment he glances over his shoulder, green, _green_ eyes blown wide and beautiful. Levi thinks someone could get lost in those eyes if they stared too long. They are as expressive as an open book, as vast as a universe, as warm, at times, as the brightest, sunniest afternoon.

                “Erm,” is Eren’s response, his eyes darting about as if looking for Levi’s sanity.

                “I think you should eat. With me. When you’re done here.”

                Eren blinks, his eyelashes briefly casting ghostly shadows along his rosy cheeks. “You mean . . . like, a date?” Though he tries to hide it in his voice, his expression shows how hopeful he is.

                Levi sits up a little straighter and releases his tea in favour of lacing his fingers atop the counter. “Yes. A date. A date, with me, where we'll eat food.”

                “And . . . I’m not a side—” He shakes his head. “I’m not a rebound?”

                “No, you’re not. I . . . I really like you, Eren.”

                The kid blushes to the tips of his ears and his teeth sneak out to worry his bottom lip. Levi can’t help but stare at Eren’s mouth, hoping the younger man doesn’t notice. But damn, Eren has a nice mouth. Plush, pink lips, slightly chapped but nothing a few hot, wet kisses couldn’t solve.

                “I really like you too, Levi,” Eren replies, so quiet for once, that Levi barely hears him.

                The two share a small, secret smile, Levi staring into green eyes so full of happiness that Levi’s own chest feels light and airy. “Well? You all done for the night?”

                Eren hops from foot to foot as he nods, looking for all the world like an excited puppy. “I am! Let me just grab my coat!”

                Levi watches as Eren disappears into the back room, only to appear again to sheepishly grab the mop bucket, and then retreat a second time, blushing furiously. Levi leans back in his seat, fingers idly playing with the rim of his tea cup though the tea remains forgotten. Levi finds himself smiling, not widely, but small and sappy enough that he doesn’t even try to erase it. He feels like every nerve in his body is singing and his heart feels two sizes too big.

                When Hanji told him to find happiness, he didn’t know it would feel this great.

                Sure, a new beginning is scary and he doesn’t know what the future holds, but he doesn’t want to think about it. All he wants to think about is Eren and where they should go for food and should Levi hold the kid’s hand or is that too forward?

                Levi shakes himself free of anxious thoughts and instead stares into his tea cup unseeingly, still smiling but biting his lip to try and tamper it down.

                What a beautiful new beginning.


End file.
